Crossover Into What, Exactly?
by Night Rain Illusion
Summary: Sequel to You People Are Joking, Right? Mishaps with crossovers. Updated Chapter: Don't Believe It. They're in the Naruto fandom now! How long can they put up with Naruto? What about Orochimaru? Hiatus.
1. Let's Get Started, Shall We?

"Hi there people, and welcome to...to...Ed!"

Edward Elric snapped awake, looking around. "What?"

"Brother, the sequel is starting." Alphonse Elric whispered next to him.

"It is? About freaking time." Ed grumbled under his breath.

"I'll take it from here." said Amaya Illusion, who was on his other side. "Hi people, welcome to the sequel to 'You People Are Joking, Right?', so if you haven't read that fic first, then you probably should."

"Who would be stupid enough to read a sequel without reading the first fic?" Ed asked.

"Plenty of people. Now, let's move on to the sequel!" Amaya said cheerfully.

"Uh...actually, I kind of forgot what was going on..." Ed muttered.

"...YOU FORGOT!?"

"Ah! There's no reason to be shouting, Amaya!" Al pleaded.

"YOU HAD A MONTH AND A HALF TO KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON!"

"Sorry, but we were vacationing! I forgot about the storyline during it!" Ed said, slowly backing away from the fuming Amaya.

"Hey, that reminds me, remember those places we went to during our vacation?" Al asked, hoping for a change of conversation. This seemed to snap Amaya out of her momentary rage.

"Oh yeah! I remember now! Remember when we decided to visit the animes that won't be featured in this fic?" she laughed.

"Good thing too, otherwise I could imagine myself cos-playing like that one girl with long blond hair, uses costume jewelry as a weapon, and listen to a talking cat...", Ed breathed a sigh of relief.

"Lord knows you have the hair for it! But don't worry, I promise not to make you cosplay in a school girl uniform ever again." Amaya promised. Ed narrowed his eyes at her.

"You promise?"

There was a slight pause. "Of course!"

"Amaya?"

"Yes?"

"Uncross your fingers from behind your back."

"Damn!" she swore before turning back forward. "To prevent spoiling the rest of the fic, we should probably shut up now. And now, we better tell you a little thing about what's in this fic."

"Like what?" Al asked, as if he was reading from a prompter. Actually he was, but that's not important.

"For starters, this is a rated T fic. So all the people here for the slash might as well leave, 'cause it 'aint happenin'.", she said, pointing toward the door. "However, there will be plenty of yaoi and yuri jokes aplenty, so if you're here just for the humor of it, then you can stay."

"Secondly, please don't complain if an anime, videogame, movie, or book you like doesn't show up in this fic. It's all based on animes, books, and games that the author has actually heard of, seen, read, or played." Ed said. "However, you can suggest certain animes, videogames, movies, and books that you would like to appear and we'll see what we can do."

"Thirdly, don't complain if you don't like whatever anime, videogame, or book is featured, or hate us for certain things said against shippings and what not. It's a joke. Get a sense of humor. I suggest stealing one from Dan Cook; lord knows he shouldn't have one." Amaya said darkly. (AN: Sorry, not a big fan of Dan Cook)

"Finally, some of the jokes made might be based off of fanfics that we have read, but we are not singling out someone for a bad fanfic. It's for all fanfics in general of that kind. So don't get all offended or something, because we're making fun of everyone. We don't discriminate." Ed pointed out.

"Now we must warn you, this fic will contain your basic tomfoolery, plenty of lying, exchange students, a fake eye, character origin flashbacks, possession, cross dressing-"

"Hey, you promised that you wouldn't-"

"-an unknown prophecy, broken hearts, shifting shadows, show stopping musical numbers, shameless advertising, dysfunctional people, and of course, plenty of crack.", Amaya finished, acting like she had never been interrupted.

"Now, if you dare...move on to the beginning of Crossover Into What Exactly...if you dare!" Ed said and then started to move his hands in a spooky overdone fashion. As the lights dimmed, Ed whispered to Amaya.

"By the way, why is this fic also a Sci-Fi fic?"

"Because of the whole time travel dimension plot."

"Oh yeah."

Al turned away from them and looked at the prompter. "Your mother crossovers in hell?"

Amaya and Ed gasped. "Al!"

"Sorry! I meant, please leave a review at the end! And we don't own Full Metal Alchemist or any other animes, videogames, books, movies, etc. in this fic!"

* * *

**Illusion Studios Presents... **

**A Night Rain Illusion production**

**Directed by Night Rain Illusion**

**Script written by underpaid writers in Detroit**

**Produced by Envy The Executive Homunculi**

**Special Effects by Itachi Uchiha and Yami Bakura because they owed me money**

**Maniacal Laughs done by Mephiles the Dark, the only Sonic villain who actually succeeded in what Eggman could never do and was voiced by Dan Green, who does, like, the best evil laughs ever. And Mephiles is one sexy malicious beast. If he was real, I would want his babies...what? Something I said?**

**Camera work done by some guy no one could remember the name of...Steve, right? **

**Props provided by Carrot Top **

**Music provided by Disney because any book or movie (or in this case, fanfiction) in the United States has to have at least one Disney song in it, the bastards...**

**Coffee provided by some delivery guy from Starbucks**

**Endorsed by the Coca Cola company because the author drinks too much Coke for it to be considered healthy**

**Voices were done as themselves, except for Amaya who, to her dismay, had her voice done similarly to Lindsey Lohan. She is currently suing us. **

**Lawyers provided by Satan, Lord of Hell**

**Procrastinators United Who Like To Waste Time Writing Stupid Things Like The Above Brings You**

**Crossover Into What Exactly?**

(Sequel to You People Are Joking, Right?)

"So guys, are you ready to crossover?"

Ed nodded. "Yeah, since I had a month and a half to think about it.", he said as all three of them stepped through the large doors of the gate.

_Ed: That's odd_

_Amaya: What is?_

_Ed: I'm surprised you didn't open this with some character origin flashback or a flashback about what happened in the last fic._

_Amaya: Well for one, character origin flashbacks shouldn't be done until about ten chapters into the fic, and secondly it's the readers own damn fault if they didn't read the first fic. Now stop interrupting the story already!_

It was the strangest sensation. There were absolutely no black creatures at all. It was still the bright yellow from outside the gate, except that there was a light far off from them in the distance. As the trio walked, images flew past of them. Some were of little farming communities that suddenly turned into skyscrapers, oceans and deserts, and forests that stretched for miles. Some were pictures of the human brain, scales of the human anatomy, the solar system, and for some reason, one of Courage the Cowardly Dog.

"What is all this?" Al asked.

"The dimension hole is absorbing pieces of information into itself so that it will be available to those who travel through it. Because of this, the information it latches onto help create access points so that you can go to that dimension." Amaya explained, pausing for a moment to watch a picture of a grasshopper drinking tea went by. Amaya suddenly reached out and snatched the picture of the grasshopper and stuffed it into her pocket.

"Why did you do that?" Ed asked.

"Because I love British grasshoppers." Amaya explained simply.

"But..."

"British!"

"Alright, sorry.", Ed said, no longer wanting to know what Amaya was going to do with a picture of a cartoon British grasshopper wearing a black petticoat and drinking tea.

"So where are we going first?" Al asked.

"Well, I'm still thinking about that." she said, looking around at the empty expanse around them.

"I just thought about something. What about the colonel, the homunculi, and all those other people no one cares about that we left behind?" Ed asked, looking behind them as if expecting Roy and Envy to suddenly pop out from behind a picture of a cow doing a saucy tango. And maybe wearing hoop skirts. And then Armstrong doing a salsa-

Let's just say that Ed's imagination is too wild to describe.

"Who knows, they're most likely still in your dimension. But they'll be fine, so don't worry about it.", Amaya said with a wave of the hand.

They walked silently for several minutes before Amaya suddenly stopped.

"Yeah, here should be fine." she said after a moment.

"Fine for what?"

"The next access point. Now I must warn that this particular place might take a year before we can leave again."

"A year?" Ed asked incredulously.

"Don't worry about it though, because when we leave, it will feel like no time has passed." she said. Amaya put a hand in front of her and muttered, "Activate access point H"

A small touch screen appeared in front of them. The numbers 1-7 were on it.

"Hmm...I don't want to go in too early, and going straight into the end would be pointless. So 5 should do it.", Amaya muttered to herself before selecting the 5th number, "And besides, if we need to, then we'll go into the last one."

If you didn't understand a word she just said, then don't worry, you're not the only ones either, because Ed and Al had giant question marks looming over their head.

"What the hell were you speaking, French?" Ed asked.

"Italian actually."

"What?"

"It's a joke Ed."

"So what are you doing?"

"Picking which part of the fandom we should go into. Now, you can't tell anyone where we are from. We are to act like we are from this realm." Amaya said crossly.

"Don't worry, we won't tell anyone about this." Al promised.

"Can someone please tell me where the hell we are going?" Ed fumed.

"The most common crossover of them all." Amaya smirked as she hit the OK button. The scenery around them suddenly shifted. The yellow empty place was replaced with tall brown walls with paintings on them. In front of them stood two double oak doors that went straight up to the ceiling. Red, green, blue, and yellow banners hung from the walls over large hourglasses nearby that had colored pebbles in them. If Ed didn't know any better, they were standing in the entrance hall of a huge castle.

"Welcome...to Hogwarts." Amaya said as she pushed open the two double oak doors.

* * *

Not bad if I say so myself. (Ed: Did we actually do anything!?) 

If you wish for a Full Metal Alchemist character like Roy or Envy to make an appearance, then leave a review!

And now, let's get ready for some Harry Potter bashing!

_A word from the cast-_

Ed: It's October 17th, but for the more oblivious people, it's actually been one year since Night Rain started "You People Are Joking, Right?"

Al: We've taken you on a lot of crazy adventures and we're happy to keep you entertained for another whole year, or how ever long it takes to finish this series.

Amaya: We should throw a party, but no one actually cares if a fic has been around for a whole year, and besides the fact that Envy drank all the booze.

Envy: -drunkly singing- Buttercup, don't break my heart! -hiccups and passes out on the floor-

R&R everyone!


	2. We're Off To See The Wizard!

Hello! I'm glad to see my old reviewers from the first fic back! And newcomers as well! Yes, everything is coming along nicely...

Warning: VERY OC DUMBLEDORE. This one might be the spawn of OC Dumbledores, the mightiest of all...

Oh yeah, and watch out for EmoPimpHarry and HormoneGranger.

* * *

Now normally, when you walk into the Great Hall of Hogwarts dramatically like the three of them, you expect everyone to turn to look. But for our three adventurers, no such thing happened. No one even looked up at the intrusion. And the reason was because they were too busy staring at the crowd of people lined up for sorting. The problem was that most of them weren't even first years, some were way older or dressed in ways that English kids don't dress in. And most of them were female.

Ed and Al were too busy gapping at the giant hall around them to really notice, while Amaya was scanning the students at the tables, mostly looking at the red table.

"Hmm, he's not in here.", she muttered under her breath.

"Attention! Eyes up front!", called the sharp voice of a woman. Ed watched as she, a wise old man, and some guy with greasy hair was standing in front of the crowd. The wise old man seemed to be the one who ran the joint, due to everyone paying attention to him. The wise old man pinched the bridge of his nose before looking down at a list.

"This gets tiresome every year.", he muttered before looking up, his eyes sparkling, glittering...in other words, he just looked incrediably wise.

"Alright, I can tell that almost none of you are suppossed to be here. So, if you meet this catergory, then raise your hand. And don't bother lying, 'cause no one lies to Dumbledore. Dumbledore too cool for that to take stupid excuses."

The three of them exchanged looks at this.

"If you're American, then raise your hand."

None of them did, so Snape discreetly, which here means pulled his wand out with a flourish, sent a spell at the crowd, forcing them so that they would have to raise their hand if they did fit that catergory. After he had done this, several girls with bleach blond hair and wearing American clothes raised their hands, some of the hands containing IPODS with music like Linkin Park, Evanescence, Green Day, Anime and Videogame Music, a couple of Disney songs, and a few Avril Lavigne songs as this is the authoress' way of both pointing out that most of this music didn't exist in the 90's and showing off her own musical collection at the same time. Dumbledore, expected by everyone to pull out his wand, instead pulled out a remote control.

"Let's see if you Americans would be smart enough to escape the Rancoor!"

A trapdoor opened underneath them and pulled the American girls into them as screams of pure terror rang before the doors shut. Everyone couldn't help but stare at Dumbledore now. Even the Weasley twins were spooked.

"Whatever happened to treating everyone equal?", Amaya muttered under her breath. Luckily, since she was technically Canadian, her hand had not risen.

"I love doing that. Bought it from George Lucas.", Dumbledore wisely informed the students. Now the entire crowd was looking down at the ground, wondering when they would be next.

"If you are from the past or future, raise your hand."

A fair few raised their hands, and it took both Ed and Al's strength to keep Amaya's arm down, since she was from the future. The trapdoors opened again and dragged the ones in who raised their hands.

"If you are claiming to be a relative of myself, Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Voldemort-stop screaming you sissies-or frankly anyone of this world, raise your hand."

Many were dragged into the trapdoors this time.

"What about Ron Weasley?", someone in the back asked.

"Please, no one ever wants to be related to Ron.", Dumbledore snorted. Ron lowered his eyes down at the table as Dumbledore continued.

"If you are from an anime, videogame, or some fandom that we shouldn't even know of, raise your hand."

Amaya reached out and held both Ed's and Al's arms down as cast members from Yugioh, Naruto, Inuyasha, Kingdom Hearts, and just about every other fandom that ever crossed over with Harry Potter was dragged into the trapdoors. Now all that was left was the three of them and a few others.

"Who here seems to be just an ordinary kid, but turns out to be a werewolf, vampire, psychic, or some other talent that will put me to shame and make me look like a second grader when it comes to magic and will become great friends with Harry Potter but will be put in Slytherin and be considered just a good kid stuck in Slytherin due to being pureblooded when in reality there are no real purebloods besides the Malfoys and the Longbottoms?"

Well that took care of the others.

Dumbledore wisely peered over the rim of his half-moon spectacles at the three of them. "Ok, I'll bite. One of you is from the future who went and recruited two anime characters and gate-hopped from another dimension in order to save us all from the clutches of an evil mastermind and will pretty much steal or at least share the spotlight with Harry Potter?"

All three of them were forced to raise their hand. Dumbledore was about to hit the button when Snape suddenly stopped him.

"Wait sir. This might sound completely out of character from my usual snarkiness since I usually don't care about the students, but we've never had this case before. Maybe this would be acceptable."

Dumbledore stroked his beard thoughtfully and wisely. "Your right Severus. Normally I do the complete opposite of everything you say, but this is actually a good idea, coming from you of all people!", Dumbledore laughed, quite wisely of course.

"Book 6.", Snape growled under his breath.

"What was that Snape-a-doodle?"

"Nothing sir, and do you have to call me that in front of the whole student body?"

"Oh contrare Snape-a-doodle, otherwise people won't know about-"

"Dumbledore, no wants to hear that!", Mcgonagall cut across.

"You sure? That Hufflepuff kid over there looked like he would be interested in hearing it-"

"No."

"Oh alright. Let's get this sorting thing done, besides the fact that we are completely ignoring the fact that one of those three kids is in a suit of armor."

Amaya nudged Ed forward to the stool that sat a raggedy old hat. Ed sat down akwardly as he slipped the hat over his head.

_This one's kind of short._

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING MINISCULE!", Ed roared suddenly, scaring the crap out of the Ravenclaw students since the stool was closer to them.

_Temper temper...but since its vital to the plot, I'll throw you into Gryffindor. _

"What the hell is a Gryffindor?"

_It's the table with the red banners over it full of a bunch of stubborn, stuck up people. In otherwords, people like you. _

"Well...shut up or I'll punch you!"

_Oh yeah, I'm shaking in my imaginary boots. Which by the way, are your boots compensating for something?_

"Listen you damn hat..."

_Alright, you're boring me. Take me off (wow, look at the innuendo) and go sit at the table already. _

Ed tore the hat off his head before stomping over at the table. Al took the hat and slipped it over the armor helmet. And no, everyone was not staring at a suit of armor wearing an old hat.

They were gawking.

"I'm sorry for my Brother's behavior...", he apologized.

The hat didn't say anything. After a long minute, he took it off and handed it to Mcgonagall.

"It won't say anything."

"Well, that is very odd...", Mcgonagall commented. Dumbledore wisely waved his hand.

"Yeah well, we shouldn't seperate him from his brother, so he can be in Gryffindor."

"What about the Parvati twins?"

"Who?"

Alphonse went over and sat at the table next to Ed, who was facing across from two red-headed twins, who were cheering something along the lines of, "We got the weird kids! Yay! Or two of them so far!"

"Ok, the last one!"

Amaya ran up to the stool and put the hat on. There was an intense silence until...

"What!?"

Another pause.

"That's not true!"

Pause. (In case you haven't picked this up yet, I'm not telling you yet what the hat is saying to her. It's called a plot device to be used later on in the story, like in the next chapter since I'm not that patient)

"You don't know anything about me!"

After a moment, the hat suddenly shouted it's answer.

"Slytherin!"

The jaws of everyone at the Gryffindor table dropped as Amaya tore the hat off, dropping it onto the floor as she stormed over to the Slytherin table, sitting next to a bleach blond boy.

"Ok, now that it's done, let's bring out...Harry Potter!"

"Oh please, don't be emo Harry or egotistical Harry.", Amaya muttered, which caused a few stares from the Slytherins around her.

The doors banged open as Harry Freaken Crazy Potter (he had his middle name changed to that in 2005, which he shouldn't even be in his 5th year for that year, but I digress...) strode in through the door, wearing a purple pimp coat and holding a pimp cane. Malfoy sulked next to Amaya, thinking to himself that his father's pimp cane was much pimper than Potters.

"If there's anything bigger than my ego, I want it caught and shot now!", Harry ordered as he strode over to the Gryffindor table and sat next to his two friends Ron and Hermione, who looked too used to this behavior to care. The minute he had sat down, he had taken his pimp coat and cane and tossed them aside.

"My life is a black abyss!", he moaned into his plate.

"It's...a combination of the two?", Amaya asked aloud. Malfoy whispered next to her.

"New girl, you don't know? Potter's got split personality problems, one half is a whiny emo brat while the other is a sarcastic pimp version."

"O-ok, and my name's not 'New girl', it's Amaya. Not like I care if you know my name or not seeing as how I'm not suppossed to like you even though we might have a wild fling in the broom closet at some point in the story due to the author's love of the actor that plays as you in the movies.", she commented off handidly, which caused some people at the Gryffindor table, Harry included, to spit pumpkin juice all over the back of Ron's head.

"Why did we let Potter do that, especially after the incident with the thestrals last year?", Snape asked Dumbledore.

"You mean when they stormed through the castle halls and killed all the first years?"

"No, the other time."

"When they ate all the house elves?"

"Other time."

"When they raped-"

"Yeah, that time."

"Well Hagrid's wounds have healed, haven't they? So what's the problem?"

"Besides the fact that the entire student body heard you speak of beastiallity with their gameskeeper?"

"Severus, why are you harping on me about this? I'm too busy being myterious to where no one knows anything about me, not even in the last book and I have plans that have been going as far back as book one about how to kill Voldemort and how one of those ways involves killing Harry?"

Harry looked up from cleaning his ears. "What?"

"Nothing Harry, just a little joke between me and Severus."

"Oh alright."

"Sir, I think you've had too many lemon drops.", Snape started to say.

"Severus, no offence, but you really need to get laid, I mean at your age I was having sex 4 times a day! And let me tell you, the magic of sex is a wonderful expierience..."

"DUMBLEDORE!", Mcgonagall shouted as everyone turned red and looked ill at the headmasters words.

"These kids are plenty old enough to know what sex is! And all the different kinds! Like what we did last Thursday!"

Mcgonagall had turned bright pink at this. "Sir!"

"You want to know what I think...", spoke up Dolores Umbridge for the first time.

"Nobody cares what you think!", everyone in the room yelled at her. Umbridge pouted.

"My Minister does..."

"Can we please just eat?", asked Ron, who looked like he could still eat even though everyone else looked like they had lost their appetites.

"Be careful of the potato salad though, the elves tend to get...ahh...excited when cooking.", Dumbledore ever so wisely warned off handidly which caused several people to turn green.

"Fine. Let me just sprinkle some amnesia dust in the room so that everyone forgets that this conversation even took place.", Mcgonagall said as she threw some strange dust at all the students. Everyone blinked before clapping, conviently forgetting the strange conversation. The food appeared magically on the plates and everyone dug in. Amaya had gotten up from the Slytherin table and had sat at the Gryffindor table, which since no one was suppossed to do that anyway, it drew attention from Snape.

"Illusion! What are you doing!"

"Uh...making sure that my friends aren't being corrupted by that Potter kid?", she asked. Snape stared at her for a moment before nodding.

"Carry on.", he said as he sat back at the staff table. Dumbledore whispered to him, wisely of course as the authoress is making sure to remind everyone that despite his out of characterness, Dumbledore is ever so wise.

"It's good to have a little house diversity anyway. And besides, all students should be accepted among their piers."

"What about those students you fed to the Rancoor?"

"I did what now?"

Ed and Al looked to her, looks of confusion apparent on their faces.

"What the hell is going on here?", Ed asked.

"We're in the Harry Potter fandom, a story about a boy named Harry and his seven years at magic school and how he is prophesized to save the magical world from a dark wizard.", she explained quickly. Luckily, no one heard her besides the two of them.

"Oh...", Ed said, as if it made perfect sense. The twins had left and Harry, Ron, and Hermione had sat in front of them.

"We couldn't help but feel as if it will be vital to the plot if we sit with you guys and hopefully become friends.", Harry explained.

"Yeah, that happens all the time, doesn't it?"

"Tell me about it.", Harry agreed. "I'm Harry Potter, but you probably already knew it since everyone seems to know everything about me in a book I've never read no matter how many times Hermione keeps telling me to."

"I'm Ron, the sidekick no one cares about and is most often neglected.", Ron introduced.

"And I'm-", Hermione began, but Amaya interrupted.

"I don't care about you Hormone."

"My name's not Hormone."

"Yeah right Hormone..."

"Stop calling me Hormone!"

"So who are you people?", Harry asked Ed and Al.

"I'm Alphonse Elric. This is my older brother Edward. Don't bother asking about the armor.", he added.

"Older brother? Shouldn't it be the other way around?", Ron pointed out. A vein twitched in Ed's forehead.

"I'm...not...short...", he hissed. Amaya leaned across the table towards Ron.

"If you value your jewels, I suggest not calling him that.", she said pointedly.

"What jewels? My family is poor as dirt even though I deny that all the time."

"Nevermind, Clueless Wonder."

"And why are we being friendly with a Slytherin anyway, even though I'm suppossed to hate all Slytherins while having wild sexual fantasies about Malfoy every other night?", Harry asked, which caused several people to spit pumpkin juice at the back of Ron's head again.

"Well, I didn't need to hear that, but I'm Amaya. The hat is just being an ass because I insulted it.", Amaya said, although Ed had a feeling that she was lying.

"I don't trust them.", Hermione scoffed.

"Up yours, Hormone."

"See!"

Dinner ended rather uneventfully, besides Dumbledore introducing Umbridge, who was booed and hissed off the stage. She stopped by Harry's table later that evening.

"I'll be making your life hell you know."

"Name someone who doesn't."

"Touche' Potter."

Cho Chang later flounced by the table.

"I'm going to break your heart again this year. I just thought you should know."

"Thanks Cho. I'm definately looking forward to that."

Everyone stood to go to their houses, Amaya pulling Ed and Al to the side.

"Remember, don't tell anyone about where we are really from."

"Ok. By the way, what was up between you and that Hermione girl?", Al asked.

"Because every Hermione I have ever read in fanfiction is either a slut or stupid. Or some combination of the two."

"Isn't that unfair to say since she hasn't said anything along that line yet?"

"Whatever, I have to go now, so if you have any questions, just ask Harry. Follow them to the common rooms. I'll see you guys tommorow.", she said as she went off after the Slytherins. Al turned to Ed.

"What do you think Brother?"

"You want to know what I think? Everyone here is freaken crazy!"

"That's my name, don't wear it out!", Harry called over his shoulder, before muttering something along the lines about wondering where the staff had hidden his boxcutters this time.


	3. Voldemort Is Not A Rat

Welcome back to another chapter! The only thing about this chapter is that Ed, Al, and Amaya don't have too much attention centered on themselves as, like they agreed to, they have to share the spotlight with fanfiction Harry as well. Look to chapter one for disclaimers and such...and I promise, it gets funnier as it goes along.

* * *

It would take too long to tell every intricate detail of the crossover trio's expierience in the Harry Potter fandom, and the authoress was suffering from a massive writer's block, so instead, it was bestly summarized like this:

Edward had already served two detentions with Snape, one for calling his class "Cooking class", and one for insulting Snape for his harrassed abuse of the three of them. Despite the fact that Snape was the only reason that the trio had not been fed to the Rancoor, he was still a giant git, which surprised Amaya that he was actually in character for once. The rest of the school didn't pay much attention to them, as they bloody well shouldn't seeing as how that would mean stealing all the attention away from Harry Potter, which was impossible, seeing as how every time Harry walked into a room, something crazy would always follow.

Harry was something to be admired, really. Already passing his OWLS and NEWTS, which he had yet to actually take, and rippling with what Amaya called "Quidditch-toned muscles", he was slightly muscular, which makes no real since seeing as how being severly malnurished as a child combined with sitting on a broomstick and not really doing anything unless a Snitch went by should not be able to give anyone muscles, except for maybe around the buttux area, which he easily argued that running away from Voldemort for several years would do that to your body.

As the year progressed, the only thing that anyone, besides our crossover trio, talked about was who shagged who the night before.

"Is everyone a slut or something?", Ed asked Ron one day.

"Pretty much."

Ed and Al were mystified by everything they saw. Daily they would question things, like how did the wizards do magic, was it like alchemy, what were the house elves, and perhaps strangest of all, why was everyone always staring at someone else's ass. Classes were nothing short of amusing, as the three had borrowed some wands from Mcgonagall. (Dumbledore had offered to lend some wands, but they didn't trust where these wands had been before) Potions class was interesting, as Harry and Ed were the ones failing the class and Hermione, big surprise, and Al were the only ones passing the class. (Snape would deduct 5 trillion points every time Harry blinked, despite this Gryffindor still won the house championship, which had also yet to actually take place)

Speaking of Al, he had been the source of a few pranks, but oddly enough, he was the only one who was unaffected by magic. Any spell shot at him would bounce right off and rebound on the caster. Malfoy was the first to discover this as he had been rushed to the hospital wing with giant cardinal wings coming out of his head. But Al also had trouble using magic as well, instead secretly resorting to alchemy to do the spells and such when he thought that no one was looking, while Ed and Amaya didn't have too much trouble with magic.

Charms class was an emotional affair for Edward, who, on the first day of class, had burst into tears at seeing the teacher.

"I'm...taller than the teacher! This is the happiest day of my life!"

Charms was officially his favorite class after that. However, Flitwick wasn't exactly sharing in Edward's happiness.

History of Magic, well everyone slept through that except for Ed and Al, since they had never heard of the goblin wars and such.

"I'm surprised the teacher hasn't gone anal for everyone messing around in his classes.", Ed said, particularly after someone had the guts to get the entire class to do an Irish jig on their desks and the teacher hadn't even noticed.

Transfiguration was somewhat nothing exciting, seeing as how nothing cool or odd ever happens during that class in any of the Harry Potter books. Divination was boring as hell, seeing as how Trelawny loved to fawn over Harry's tragic future death and such. Sometimes she did it to Ed too, who had nearly punched her into a wall after telling him that he would be killed by some guy that had stepped on him.

Defence Against the Dark Arts went something like this...

"Hello Professor.", Harry would say.

"DETENTION POTTER!"

"But I haven't ranted about Voldemort yet!"

"I don't care! I'm just a spiteful bitch just for the hell of it! I'm going to put Mad Eye Moody's eye on my future office door one day!"

"W-what?"

"A WEEKS WORTH OF DETENTION!"

"But I..."

"DON'T MAKE ME SPANK YOU!"

"E-excuse me?"

"YOU HEARD ME POTTER! DEATH TO ALL MUGGLEBORN WIZARDS! ISN'T MY SLYTHERIN LOCKET PRETTY? PLOT RELEAVANCE!"

Besides the wackiness with classes, Ed had joined the Quidditch team as a beater (and he used his arm for that, mind you) and made Potter look like an amateur in Quidditch.

"Good job on winning us the Quidditch World Cup, even though we only played one game.", Harry congradulated Ed after a particular game when Ed hadn't actually done anything except scratch himself the entire game.

And there was the occasional times at breakfast.

"Hey Malfoy, who I have suddenly grown a grudging friendship with.", Harry said as he started eating his cherrios.

"I put cyanide in your cereal."

"What?"

"Oh nothing."

So one particular day, something different happened...

"Morning Harry!", Amaya greeted one morning in the Gryffindor common room.

"So who was it last night?", Ron asked Harry, ignoring her completely.

"Last night I had sex with my own father come back to life. Tonight its Malfoy's dad in the library, which luckily since it gets so much action there I have a reservation to snog there, so I need to not do anything strenuous today.", he said as he sat in a chair, "And I think tommorow I'll be doing a strip tease in the Great Hall."

"The fangirls aren't kind to you, are they?", Al asked.

"Unforunately no.", he said as he looked over at Amaya.

"How did you get into our common room? Aren't you a Slytherin?"

Amaya shrugged. "Plot device?"

"So Ron, how are..."

"DON'T TALK TO ME HARRY! WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE ABOUT YOU, HUH? OH HARRY, TAKE ME!

"Ron, are you ok?"

"I'm fine. I'm so glad that we're friends!"

"Oh, ok then.", Harry said. Everyone was kind of used to these odd outbursts from everyone. Hermione soon appeared in the common room.

"Hey Harry, you can't apparate or disapparate inside Hogwarts!"

"I wasn't going to!"

"What does it matter? I've started wearing American clothes and my boobs have grown out! HOMEWORK!", she said as she left and was replaced by Ginny, who was carrying a baby.

"How could you do this to us Harry! After that one night of passion in the Hogs Head, you haven't been talking to me...how can you abandon me...and our son!"

"I don't have a son!"

"Oh whoops, this is Neville's baby. Sorry Harry.", she said as she skipped away, nearly dropping the baby in the process.

Harry turned to Ron. "Hey, what's with your sister?"

"Hmm? Sorry, didn't catch that, I was too busy thinking about me and Malfoy having wild sex on your grave after I sell you out to Voldemort."

"...Right."

* * *

"So, I was like, Avada Kedavra, and he was, like, dead." 

"Oh Voldemort, you're so awesome!"

Voldemort bowed before talking some more, mostly about the usual, which consisted of Harry, the ministry, Harry, Dumbledore and the Order, Harry, paying that months taxes, Harry, how teenagers talk too much on their cellphones, Harry, the war in Iraq, Harry, the latest episode of Pushing Daises, and Harry was just a few of his favorite topics.

"So are we going to wait until the very end in order to actually do anything? By the way, I love you.", Bellatrix said.

"Fuck no! I'm tired of waiting until the very end to actually do anything. In fact, we're going to storm the castle right now!"

"But I thought we weren't going to do that until Book Seven. By the way, I want you.", Lucius Malfoy said as he batted his long eyelashes in a very sexy way.

"Screw Book Seven! We're going to act now! And I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.", he added in an undertone.

"I abuse my son!"

"I'm sure you do Lucius. Now, on to the plan..."

Suddenly, low music started to play that Voldemort moved his hips in rythem to. (One Death Eater was forced to scratch his eyes out so that he couldn't see this action) Lucius leaned over to Bellatrix.

"Is he about to sing a cliche' Disney song while mixing in his own lyrics?"

"Yes, I believe he is. I'll go make the call.", Bellatrix said, standing up to get the phone.

_"From the brain that brought you the Potter murders, the head that made headlines in every newspaper, the one who made the Horcruxes(which no one should know about until the 6th book), that display that made London a sob. Now comes the real tour de' force, tricky and wicked or course. My crimes were fine for for their times, but now that I'm continuously at it again, an even grimer plot has been simmering in my great criminal brain!"_

"Uh, hello, St. Mungo's? My master is obsessed with this highschool aged kid..."

"Pedophilia isn't covered by doctor-patient confi-"

"No no, he just wants to kill the kid."

_"But it hasn't all been firewhiskey and caviar. With that meddlesome Harry Potter always foiling my plans! For years that insuffarable orphan has given me migraines, but that's all in the past, this time, nothing, not even Potter can stop me, We're going to storm the castle now!"_

Lucius looked around, trying to look anywhere other than the now tap-dancing Dark Lord with his really bad lyrics. "Hey, where did Wormtail go?"

"Who cares? Me and you and possibly Fenrir are the only Death Eaters anyone cares about.", Bellatrix pointed out.

"Hey, where is Fenrir anyway?"

"Most likely biting small children and possibly having sex with that Lupin werewolf."

"Oh god, we didn't just enter a slash fic, did we?"

"No no, it's not a slash fic until someone walks into the room wearing nothing but a towel."

Suddenly, McNair, who, the authoress has no idea if she's spelling his name right, just know that it's the evil evil man who tried to kill Buckbeak, walks in wearing nothing but a towel.

"Hey guys. What's with the looks?"

* * *

Harry was walking around the school, looking for Hermione, when he ran into Amaya. 

"Oh, hey Amaya, do you know where Hermione is?"

"Hormone? Probably thrown back in time having a wild fling with Remus Lupin because of the cliche' smartness, Sirius Black because he'll shag anything that moves and some that don't, and maybe your own mother, why do you ask?"

"Uh...I was looking for here, but not anymore I guess. But I am meant to ask you something. Why is Al in a suit of armor and what is with Ed's metal limbs?"

Amaya hesitated. It was one thing to share information like this with Harry Potter, it was another to share it with a fanfic version.

"Fine, but not here.", she said as she pulled him to the side into an alcove.

"Why am I always getting pulled into alcoves?"

"There are so many conviently placed alcoves in this school, aren't there? Anyway..."

Feeling that it might be useful later, she told him their entire story, of what happened to Ed and Al, (except that she had left out the fact that they were looking for the Philosopher's stone, for obvious reasons) who she was, and where they were from, where babies came from, and why no likes New Jersey as well as explaining the quantum physics of the space time paradox as well as how they get the jelly into the jelly donuts. He nodded.

"It all makes perfect sense and I trust everything you say even though you're a Slytherin."

Ed and Al were a little disappointed in her telling him when the four came together later, but not angry about it. The four continued to talk about it as Harry told them about his own adventures, like the time he had to defend the planet from a radioactive beaver when a sudden explosion rocked the building.

"What in merlin's pants was that?", Amaya asked, looking quite alarmed.

"Merlin's pants?", Ed asked.

"Shut up Ed."

The front doors suddenly burst open to reveal none other than Voldemort himself.

"Hey Potter, I decided to kill you right away! By the way, I'm your real father!"

"Run for it!", everyone screamed as they all took off in different directions.

"Let's go to Dumbledore!", Harry suggested.

"Oh yes, let's trust our lives with someone that almost fed us to a human eating beast!", Ed shouted as they approached the headmaster's gargoyle.

"Snickers!"

The gargoyle opened up as everyone stared at Harry.

"That's what he makes me call him when we're..."

"Not now Harry!"

They raced up the stairs and kicked the door open.

"Professor, Voldemort's...OH MY GAWD!"

"Hello everyone. Who wants a lemon drop?"

"DUMBLEDORE, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"

Dumbledore frowned as he magiked his clothes back on as well as Mcgonagall's clothes. "What was so important that you had to distract us from our mind-blowing-"

"Voldemort's in the school!", Al warned.

"Don't worry kids, we'll handle it. Trust the adults!", Mcgonagall said confidently, after the shock had worn off.

* * *

"Well, this is fantastic. The Death Eaters have rounded up all the teachers and have them tied up in the Great Hall while the rest of us students are barracaded in this disgusting bathroom. What now?", Ed asked to the remaining students in the bathroom. 

"Hmm? Sorry, wasn't listening.", Harry said as he put a razor back into his pocket from cutting himself, "Still upset about Sirius even though he hasn't died yet."

"What are we going to do?", Al asked.

"I have a plan...but it's pretty drastic.", Amaya said.

"Like what?"

"We need to distract the Death Eaters to free the teachers. And I know the perfect way."

Edward suddenly paled. "Oh no, not that! You promised!"

"Sorry Ed, but it has to be done. We're going to need some sailor skirts. And lots of them."

_-and now, we cut to our commercial sponsers-_

_Hello there! Want to turn lead into gold? Wanna expand your lifespan? Bring someone you care about back from the dead?_

_Then use Philosotone! (Philosopher's Stone) This special medicine can make your painful miserable existence a little bit easier by bringing back the people you cherish at the cost of a few messely limbs! Who cares if your missing your arms, legs, kidneys, and left testicle? You won't, since automail can easily replace those things. (Note-The kidneys can't be replaced)_

_Let's hear from some satissfied users:_

_Dante, from Armestis: I was able to live even longer for a few hundred centuries thanks to Philosotone. Sure, I haven't been touched by a man in hundreds of years..._

_Warning: Philosotone may cause dizziness, nausea, people that come back to life ending up as sins against nature and god, (see product "Homunculi") mood swings, death...also a risk of possible sexual side affects. _

_Roy: ...Ed, are you sure you still want to look for this!?_

_Ed: ...I...don't know..._

_Philosotone. Ask your alchemist if it's right for you. _


	4. The Writer That Grinchified Christmas

"Ed, I don't want to do this..." Amaya pouted, back turned to him.

"But you promised..." Ed said.

"But I'm angry!" Amaya whined.

"Forget it, we'll just go on without you." Ed snapped at her before facing the camera. "Hello, and welcome to our Christmas special! Unlike last years when we parodied the Christmas carol in a matter plagiarizing that of Yugioh the Abridged series, this year we have decided to go around and ask everyone what their ideas of Christmas are."

"And uh, the reason that Amaya is angry is because we didn't get very many reviews since the last chapter." Al added.

"Well, she's a terrible writer, that's not the fan's fault!" Ed pointed out.

Amaya's head turned all the way around like an owl. "Excuse me!?"

Ed jumped back from her, quite alarmed that she could pull of a feat like that. "Uhh, I meant...you are just...in a rut?"

Amaya glared at him before thankfully turning her head back around and facing the wall where she was pouting like a three year old.

"Al, you hold the camera while I go talk to everyone in the studio." Ed said as he gave Al the camera.

"We're in a studio now?"

"Well yeah, it would be too confusing if we were back at State headquarters, so this entire fanfic has its own studio where all the characters are." Ed informed Al and the audience as he picked up a microphone.

"Alright, let's get to asking some questions!"

The two walked down the hallway until they came upon Colonel Roy Mustang, who was leaving one room while mumbling something about not getting enough screen time.

"Hey colonel bastard! Say hi to the folks at home!"

"Get that camera and microphone out of my face Full Metal!"

"Oh come on, we just want to ask a few questions!"

Mustang sighed. "Fine, one question."

"Ok...uhh...do you believe in Santa?"

Mustang scoffed. "Santa is a terrible role model, it's no wonder that America has an obesity problem! Now leave me alone or your fired." he ordered as he walked off.

Ed turned to the camera. "Ok...that didn't work out too well...so let's go ask someone else!"

They continued down the hall until they came upon the door for Harry Potter's room. Knocking twice on the door, Ed stepped back as Harry poked his head out. He looked like someone who had been woken up. (Hey, a fanfiction slut like him needs all the sleep he can get people)

"Hey Harry, what's your favorite part of Christmas?" Al asked.

"The part where everybody leaves." Harry scowled irritably before slamming the door in their faces. Ed turned back to Al.

"Man, is everyone a Grinch or something?"

"Maybe they are only acting like that because the writer is being moody." Al suggested. (He later paid for the insolence against his beloved Goddess and mistress by receiving "Envy Watch Duty", which trust me, that's a terrible and nerve-wracking job trying to keep track of him.)

"Let's go ask Envy then. He has to have something to say..."

So when they found Envy, they weren't surprised to have found him at the studio's bar. Envy blinked hazily at the camera.

"Hey Envy, what's the true meaning of Christmas?" Ed asked.

"Fighting with great aunt Dora and getting drunk." Envy said wisely and sagely as he ordered another drink.

Ed and Al blinked. "You have a great aunt Dora?"

"I have a what now?"

"Nevermind."

As Envy toppled backward off his bar stool onto the floor, Ed turned to the camera.

"Sorry everyone...I guess we'll never know the true meaning of Christmas..."

"That's where you are wrong!"

Suddenly, the room was filled with very colorful and fruity mist, which caused panic for everyone in the room. But Ed only knew of one person who could ever make an entrance this gay just to spite all the men in the room. Ok three if you count Michael Jackson and the artist formerly known as Prince.

Coughing, Amaya cursed under her breath. "I told them to use the light effect, not the smog effect!"

"What are you doing here Amaya?" Ed asked. "Weren't you angsting off in a corner somewhere?"

"Well, the author just got the Full Metal Alchemist DVD Box Set Season 1 Part 1 for Christmas, so she's happy again!" Amaya said excitedly. (Jesus that was a mouthful)

Everyone cheered. Amaya nodded to Roy and Harry who entered the room.

"Now we can get this party really started!"

Christmas tinsel appeared out of nowhere and decorated the entire room as cookies and alcoholic eggnog (which Envy immediately made his way toward) appeared next to a stunning Christmas tree. And for some reason, "Killer Queen" was playing in the background.

"So what is the true meaning of Christmas?" Ed asked.

"That its ok to not have a lot of reviews for your fanfiction. That even if you have some really good stories doesn't mean that your next one will be the best. What matters is if you the writer likes it and enjoys their story. Hey, you getting that readers?" Amaya called over to the camera where everyone reading this fic would read this little speech and all the fanfiction writers out there will hopefully take this to heart, but that's just me.

"Anyway, you should always finish what you start."

"But what about all those fanfictions you never finished."

Amaya scowled. "Screw you Ed."

"No really, what ever happened to that Prince and Full Metal story? Or Deadly Sins? Actually, does anyone remember that fic? Something about a mary-sue homunculus?" Ed asked.

"I hate you Ed."

"And everything is back to normal!" Ed cheered. Ed, Al, Harry, Roy, Envy, and a reluctantly dragged Amaya were pulled into the view of the camera.

"Merry Christmas to all!" everyone shouted.

"I hate everything!" Amaya shouted.

"Review!"


	5. The Lost Stories

Ed: Wait...aren't we wrapping up the Harry Potter segment?

Al: Apparently Night Rain found an old document of short chapters that she forgot to post in the first fic, so she combined them all and put them here instead.

Ed: Great, we'll be stuck with that slut Harry even longer now.

Harry: Um, I'm right here you know.

Ed: Yeah, nobody cares.

Yeah...hi everyone. I don't own Full Metal Alchemist...

* * *

.:.I Vant To Suck Your Blood!.:. 

It was late one night. Conveniently, it was a full moon. Because any story that starts out with "It was late one night" must have a full moon somewhere in it.

Anyway, he crept over the sleeping colonel that was lying on the couch. Roy had a tiring day of screaming at people and slamming doors and pretending to file paperwork, so he had fallen asleep on the couch in his office, only to stay asleep even after closing. He didn't notice the shadow on the wall that was shaped suspiciously like a bat.

The person leaned over, mouth open wide to reveal fangs that were about to pierce his neck when...

"What in the _hell _are you doing?"

The lights flicked on to reveal Edward Elric standing over the colonel, about to sink his fangs into Roy's jugular. He was wearing a red cape, which he held close to him in a very Dracula-ish way. Ed hissed.

"Vat does it look like I'm doing?"

"It looks like you're about to drink the guy's blood. Or send a trail of hot kisses down his...you know what, I'm gonna stop myself there." Amaya said as she stepped into the room, Al standing behind her.

"Vell duh, I'm a vampire!" Ed said as if this was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Since when Brother?" Al asked.

"Since always. Since that fateful night of being attacked in an alleyway by a bat chimera-"

"Are you sure you didn't read this in a fanfiction somewhere?" Amaya asked. "Also, stop talking like Dracula, most vampires don't actually do that."

"No! I really am a vampire! I have fangs don't I?" Ed asked.

"Ed...those are the plastic fangs kids wear for Halloween."

Ed's shoulders sagged as he stormed out of the room, throwing the plastic fangs to the side.

"Damnit, you never let me have any fun!"

They rolled their eyes as they shut the door. They didn't notice Roy Mustang suddenly sit up from off the couch, turn into a bat, and fly out the open window...

Smack!

"Huh, a bat hit that window on the side of the building." Ed pointed out. "That must be one retarded bat..."

* * *

.:.Full Metal's Angels.:. (The best one out of them all in my opinion) 

Amaya, Roy, and Al were calmly sitting in the cafeteria of the State headquarters, in the middle of a card game.

"Damnit, I fold." Amaya muttered angrily as she threw down her cards. Roy raised an eyebrow and gestured to their cards.

"Amaya, we're playing Go Fish."

"Your point?"

"What? I thought we were playing Old Maid!" Al moaned as he too threw down his cards. Amaya started shuffling the cards again. "Ok, now we're playing Gin Rummy."

"I thought we were playing Blackjack next." Roy pointed out.

"I want to play War!" Al muttered.

"I'd rather play Strip Poker." spoke up Envy next to Amaya, which caused everyone to turn and stare at him incredulously.

"Envy, how did you get here?" Amaya asked. He jabbed a thumb over at the door.

"Your doorman let me in." he said. The man standing at the door was Scar, dressed as a doorman. He put a hand to his mouth and whispered something that suspiciously sounded like "Just play along, I'll explain later."

Vaguely wondering why Scar was pretending to be a doorman, Amaya turned back to their card game just as Ed burst into the room.

"Guys, I have a problem!"

"You always have a problem. If you didn't, the series would have ended." Amaya said without even looking at him.

"What now?" Ed asked before shaking his head. "No, listen! Some guys kidnapped Winry and we have to sneak into a high security building and steal the Jack Ruby and give it to them, otherwise they'll kill Winry!"

"Jack Ruby is a man, Ed."

"That's what I said. They said, "we know"...I wonder what they meant by that." Ed shrugged. "Anyway, I'm recruiting you, Al, and Envy to help me steal it."

"What about me?" Roy asked.

"You're not girly enough." Ed dismissed, which caused Envy and Amaya to raise an eyebrow at this, "And besides, don't you people have a serial killer to catch?"

"Oh yeah..." Roy said, as if just now remembering this.

"Come on guys, lets go." Ed said as he, Al, Amaya, and Envy started to leave. Ed paused when they went past Scar.

"Since when have we had a doorman?"

...Later...

"Brother, please tell me why the four of us are standing on the roof of the building we need to get into, standing in the dark and freezing cold?" Al asked.

"We need to wait for an opening before climbing down the side of the building, sneaking through the ventilation shafts into the master control room, shut off the cameras for security and the lasers and the alarms, then use suction cups to climb on the ceiling to the room where the Jack Ruby is being kept in, use a rope to hold one of us upside down and to maneuver through the lasers that will have turned back on by the time we get there, grab it and then set explosives that we will have accidentally put for 15 seconds instead of 15 minutes, causing a dramatic run to the windows where we smash our way through and parachute to safety onto a different building as a death defying explosion of epic proportions will occur behind us, killing everyone inside except for one man who will use his experience to make a crappy movie out of it that will be directed by a combination of Uwe Boll and M.Night Shamalan, and the plot twist is that the man is adopted, by which time we'll be across from here where a helicopter and two of the men, one of them will be Russian by the way, will be handed the Jack Ruby and they'll give us Winry in exchange, which we will then go back to headquarters and get hammered." Ed said in one breath without pause.

"Sounds like a good plan to me." Envy said, who most likely was talking about Ed's last statement and didn't hear anything else.

"Wait, can't we just walk through the front door?" Al asked.

"Or use alchemy?" Amaya asked.

"And why is Envy here anyway?" Al asked, pointing over at Envy, who was examining his fingernails boredly.

Ed made a noise of disbelief. "Spies don't use the front door! They have to get in through elaborate and complicated ways! And Envy is here for comic relief and to distract the guards." he added. "Anyway, if we're done asking stupid questions, Al, stay here and tell us if any security guards are heading our way using this two-way radio."

"But wait, wouldn't that mean that I would be killed in this death defying explosion of yours?" Al asked worriedly as he took the radio from Ed.

"Of course not. You'll jump off the roof at the last second and parachute as well, however your rip cord will have snapped and you'll fall from a great height and crash onto a semi-truck heading in the opposite direction carrying tar, which will cause the truck to swerve and hit another truck carrying chicken feathers, causing you to be covered humorously in feathered tar, which we'll proceed to laugh at you about by the time you get back to headquarters, and Amaya will be drunk and passed out on top of a pool table, muttering something about how much she wants me while me and Envy will be partying with three hot chicks we will have picked up from the local strip club, but the next day we'll discover that one of those chicks was actually a man, possibly the same man that will have survived the explosion from earlier."

Amaya, Envy, and Al stared at him incredulously.

"What?"

"...Pardon my language, but what the fuck are you on!?" Amaya asked.

"And also, that sounds painful and humiliating." Al spoke up.

"Oh don't worry, I'll be unharmed. Now can get this done already?" Ed asked impatiently.

So they, as in Envy, Ed, and Amaya, started to climb down the side of the building. It was when they reached the control room when they hit a snag.

"Amaya, don't tell me that you don't know how to hack a computer mainframe!"

"But I can't!"

"You hacked into Roy's secret porn collection, this should be a piece of cake!"

Amaya sighed before typing something odd and complicated into the computer. Suddenly, two guards appeared at the door.

"Hey, what are you kids doing in here!?"

"Damnit! Amaya, Envy, you two will have to distract them by breaking into song and dance while I go get Jack Ruby." Ed said before turning on his heel and running down the hallway before Envy or Amaya could get a word in edgewise.

"Crap. Envy, you know what I'm thinking?"

"Oh not that!"

"Sorry, its the only one I can think of that we can sing and dance our way out of this!"

They both snapped their fingers as music suddenly started playing around them and they started swinging their hips in rhythm to the music.

"If we can map out all of Earth's mysteries, we will be able to go any place we want..." Amaya began to sing.

"We spent our lives with anticipations and hopes, but who is the one that grants them?" Envy picked up, voice changed to sound eerily similar to that of a certain brunette brigade member...

By the time they had finished, the guards were applauding and asking for an encore, but by the time that they had finished arguing with each other over which song should be done next, the two had made a run for it and ran into Ed, who was carrying a burlap sack over his shoulder, and for some reason, Al.

"Al, how did you get in?"

"The front door was open. They were even giving out cookies." Al explained.

"Nevermind that, let's just go! Jack here won't stop kicking me in the face!" Ed moaned, and as he said this, the burlap sack indeed kicked him across the face.

They smashed through the glass and started falling, pulling their parachutes, and somehow, Al's actually did snap and he fell, screaming something like "Damnit Ed, you killed me again!"

After handing over a struggling Jack Ruby over to the kidnappers, who handed over Winry, which turned out to actually be a very confused Rose, the group that consisted of Ed, Envy, and Amaya were heading back to headquarters.

"Let's get some icecream to celebrate the occasion!" Ed said.

"What happened to that plan of me getting drunk and you and Envy picking people up from the strip club?" Amaya asked moodily.

"That guy that was supposed to have survived actually died from a support beam impaling him. And it turns out he isn't adopted either, the plot twist is that he's his own great grandson from the future that lost his memory in a scuba-diving accident."

"Right..."

They stopped in front of a Dairy Queen, and low and behold, the man behind the counter was Scar, dressed in an icecream man uniform.

"Don't ask."

* * *

.:.Wings Of An Angel, Grace of a Dead Bird.:. 

Edward Elric was polishing his automail arm, pretending to listen to Amaya's problems about not being able to find any decent yaoi of hot guys doing it in a tree on tv, let alone wondering why Amaya was looking for such a thing, when one Roy Mustang slammed the door open.

"Ah, Colonel Bastard. How was the State Admissions Ball?" Ed asked.

Roy raised an eyebrow. "Fullmetal, you know we don't have balls..."

Ed looked up from his automail before glancing over at Amaya. He opened his mouth, then shook his head. He opened his mouth again, then shook his head once more.

"I honestly don't have a response to that."

"Anyway, if you're done acting stupid..."

"I had more, but go ahead..."

Roy glared at Ed before continuing. "There's something I have to get off my chest..."

Ed made a face. "Is it your shirt? Please say no."

"It turns out that I'm actually part angel."

Ed's mouth curled slightly as Roy turned around and showed off a pair of beautiful white angel wings, angel wings so pure that every girl within a 20 mile radius had heart spasms at simply envisioning such wings.

As Amaya lay on the floor gasping for breath, Ed silently stood up. "Excuse me, would you?"

He went and walked toward a door on the right, and kept going down the hall until he reached...hey wait a minute, what are you doing in here!? Ed, Ed, stay away from my computer! Put the matches down, fire won't solve anything! Fine, fine, we won't do this story? Happy? Ok...calm down...good...see, I'm going right over to delete...no, I'm not pretending to click on it! See? It's gone. Now get back inside the story! Eh...damnit, you just set my shag carpet on fire! What the hell was that for? Making your life hell? Well, just for that, I'll...hey, don't walk away from me, help put this out! Yeah, just wave that finger in the air, I can do that too!

Edward came back in into the room. "Sorry about that, I had to take care of something."

"I don't even remember what I was coming in here to talk about..." Roy said, wings mysteriously disappeared. This action caused many bunnies to cry.

"Me neither." Amaya said, heart spasm mysteriously sub-sided. She flipped a channel and suddenly screeched. "Yay, I found my yaoi porn!" Ed caught the glimpse of a logo "Yaoi: We Rape It, You Watch It." He shuddered, wondering what sick person would make such a show.

"Anyway, we'll just get on with our lives and pretend this didn't happen." Roy said, and as he turned to leave the room, he had a forked tail similar to that of a devil that he didn't seem to notice. Ed sighed before standing up again.

"Looks like she didn't learn her lesson." he muttered as he left once again and this writer was forced to cut this story short and run for her life, as Ed apparently hates any story about them being angels or demons or having angel and devil wings that associate with Christianity since he is somewhat atheist-damnit, he's almost caught up, so I really should stop right n-

* * *

.:.It Was Just A Question!.:. 

Ed was reading a book about alchemy, Al and Amaya sitting across from him, also reading books and drinking tea.

"I say, dear Alphonse, you know what I find most humorous?" Edward asked as he took a sip of tea.

"Enlighten us, dear Brother..." Alphonse said.

"Yes yes, please tell us Edward..." Amaya agreed.

"Commoners."

"Yes, quite." Alphonse nodded.

"Absolutely." Amaya said before taking a sip of tea.

"Indeed." Edward nodded as well before taking another sip of tea.

Roy slammed the door open, ignoring their weird British humor, to say, "Fullmetal, can I ask you something?"

"What?" Ed asked as he tossed the book aside and opened a newspaper.

"You know how every time you cross through the gate, you have to give up something in exchange?"

"Right..."

"If you did manage to get back here in that Shambala movie, what do you think you would give up?"

"How should I know?"

"Well, I was wondering, what if it didn't have to be a body part...maybe it could be an anatomy..."

Ed lowered his newspaper and looked at Roy over the rim of it before folding it and hanging it over his arm and striding past him. "So not having this conversation..."

"I'm just saying..."

"Just because I have girlier looking hair when I'm older doesn't mean that!"

Ed slammed the door behind him, Roy gapping at the otherside.

"Excuse me for asking a question!"

* * *

.:.Body Switch or Mind Swap?.:. 

Edward woke up one glorious beautiful morning. Everything was perfect, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, his boobs were-wait, WHAT!?

Alphonse and Envy were sitting in the cafeteria, talking.

"I really wish that the writer would stop picking on me."

"I really wish that you weren't such a whiny bi-"

Suddenly, two loud screams greeted them. They turned to see Edward and Amaya run into the room, both freaking out.

"I'm in his body!" Edward, er Amaya, screamed.

"I'm in her body!" Amaya, er Edward, screamed. But then he suddenly stopped screaming and looked down, smirking slightly.

"Sweet, I can look at her, er, myself naked now...although there's not really much to look at..." he said, pointing at the chest.

"I don't know whether to strangle you or to strange myself right now." Amaya frowned, arms crossed.

Envy sighed before standing up. "I know how to solve this."

He simply walked over, grabbed them by the heads, and then smashed them into each other. They both collapsed, passed out on the floor.

"Why did you do that?" Al asked.

"No one ever thinks of simply smashing their heads together so that they'll go back into each others bodies. Thank god we've got someone like me around." Envy said. Roy walked by, pausing as he glanced at the unconscious Ed and Amaya on the floor.

"Why are they both laying on the ground, passed out and twitching like that?" he asked.

Envy shrugged. "They...had a heart attack?" he suggested.

Roy shrugged. "Works for me."

* * *

.:.Neko Wafers.:. 

_Edward refused to do this story because as, I quote, "This isn't right. My tail is longer than my genitals." He then proceeded to meow and play with a ball of string, which caused Al and Amaya to squee and pass out just from the sheer cuteness of it. _

* * *

.:.I Can Play On Hard Mode.:. 

Ed woke up one morning to discover something very odd. He was in a living room that wasn't the state's, but probably more important than that would be the fact that he wasn't animated, in fact, he looked real. Like real people of reality. Like anyone who isn't Britney Spears.

"Oh my god, we're in the real world!" he shouted. How he would know something like that when he only thinks that his world is the real world is unknown, even to me.

Amaya and Al sat up, looking around. "Wow, we must have somehow wound up in the real world by a weird twist of fate. Most likely because someone wished for us to be here." Al suggested.

Crickets chirped, even though it was broad daylight. Amaya coughed.

"Wow, no wonder these stories aren't usually that exciting, the real world is boring! That's why people write fanfiction!" Ed pointed out.

"Shouldn't we be working on getting back to our own?" Al asked.

"Yeah yeah, hey Ed, ever hear of Guitar Hero?" Amaya asked as she picked up some guitars that were sitting nearby.

Two hours later, Ed was having his ass handed to him on Guitar Hero III.

"This game makes no freaking sense! It confuses me!" Edward muttered angrily before snapping the guitar over his knee. With nothing left interesting to do, they left the house and somehow managed to get back to the FMA world, a story that would be too weird to try to explain with its numerous plotholes. A few minutes later, the writer came home and looked over at her guitar.

"What the-what happened to my guitar!?"


	6. Quod Erat Demonstrandum

Edward: Does anyone here even remember what was going on?

Alphonse: Amaya had some idea involving sailor skirts to get rid of the Death Eaters, remember Brother?

Edward: -cringes- Oh yeah...

Don't own Full Metal Alchemist, Harry Potter, or the Lucky Star dance. Note: The lyrics for the dance is from the most accurate translation I could find. Albeit, they make it sound very bad.

Oh yeah, and happy Leap Year Day! Or something...

**

* * *

**

_"Sorry Ed, but it has to be done. We're going to need some sailor skirts. And lots of them."_

And so, after a very quick clothes change sequence...

"I cannot even begin to describe in how many ways I hate you.", Ed hissed under his breath. Amaya had removed the braid from his hair, making his long golden hair flow out behind him and having some of his bangs fall in his face. He was wearing a pink sailor skirt and top, hands on hips in a very angry, yet slightly feminine pose. If one didn't know any better, some might have mistaken him for a girl, but his automail arm and leg were visible and helped remind everyone of his manliness.

"I'm sure you do.", Amaya said distractedly as she and Harry were passing out skirts to all the students. Hermione, who seemed to have come back out of nowhere via time traveling magical floo powder, looked skeptical, but wearing her own skirt all the same.

"I don't see how this is going to work..."

Malfoy, who was wearing his skirt and had put pink bows in his platinum blond hair, snorted, "Even you can't be that stupid Granger!"

"What do you mean?"

"We're going to distract the death eaters by doing the Lucky Star dance, duh! And like hell I would miss seeing Potter emasculate himself in front of millions.", Malfoy explained.

"But you'll be emasculating yourself too.", Harry pointed out, donned in his own sailor outfit and having hair glitter and shine being put into his short black hair.

Malfoy huffed. "Yeah well...", Malfoy looked Harry up and down and muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "I wanted to see you in a skirt anyway", but Harry heard him anyway.

"Really! Well...I've always wanted to see you in a skirt too!"

"Really?"

"A little."

"...You know, my father abuses me."

"Oh my god, my aunt and uncle abuse me too! We have so much in common!"

"Snog?"

"Lets!"

And so the two boys began snogging and everyone quickly looked away and pretended to be interested in the fingernails on their left hands. Thankfully the two came up for breath at some point and Amaya was able to interrupt them.

"If you two are finished..."

"We're not."

"...then we'll be moving right along.", she said, interrupting the two of them once more before they could start again. Amaya turned to the mass of girls and undignified boys in front of her.

"Ok, we've all learned the dance steps. Me, Ed, Harry, and Draco will do the main dancing while everyone else does backup. And after we are done, any Death Eater still conscious will be knocked out by Alphonse. If this doesn't work, nothing will. Any questions?" she asked. A bunch of people raised their hands, to protest this mistreatment, but she ignored them.

"Good! Now let's get out there and shock some Death Eaters!"

* * *

"Tell us where Potter is!" Voldemort ordered the tied up teachers on the ground. 

"If we knew, then we wouldn't tell you!" one of them shouted.

While Voldemort was distracted by this odd statement, unsure of whether they knew or if they would actually tell them, the doors to the Great Hall suddenly burst open as flashy dance music started to play.

Ed had a look that promised death as he, Amaya, Harry, and Draco got into position. The teachers and the Death Eaters watched, eyes wide and mouths open, unsure of if they should laugh or not.

_At 3 CM, kinda peachy wonder why? Cho!  
My uniform wrapped on me, it can't be that bad! Fu!  
Just try it, and do it, make sure you catch and release! Yo!  
I sweat, I sweat, and throw in a DARLING DARLING FREEZE!_

This played in the background as the four of them followed the dance steps. For those playing at home, Ed was Konata, Amaya was Kagami, Draco was Tsukasa, and Harry was Miyuki.

_I'm so sad we're gonna be gone  
I love you so-oops, I just said that wrong  
He's a nail biter, steel beater, food eater-oh come on, just cut that out!_

Many Death Eaters started collapsing on the floor, some clawing their eyes out, other clawing their ears off. Some were trying to do both at the same time, which proved to be ineffective. They didn't know what was worse-the ones cross-dressing or the bad fandub lyrics.

_Oh there's that girl with a really cute face  
Who just appears to be a normal girl  
Oh, what's that? Is that for me?  
Pork chops, soup wires (noodles),_

_DA-DA-DA-DA-DA!!_

The teachers didn't know what to think. Some might have followed the Death Eaters example if they hadn't been tied up. Dumbledore's eyes were missing the normal twinkle, Mcgonagall was going into cardiac arrest, and Snape knew that he would mock Harry for life after this. Voldemort was sitting with his knees close to him, hugging them and muttering something about his blanket back home.

_Bon Bon! Cheerleaders!  
Let's get cherry pie!  
Ran Ran! Come on in  
Look up, Sensation!_

_Impress me-oh look, asteroids!  
There it crashed, collided, burned! I'm stunned!  
Oh let's just sing and dance!_

The other students joined for backup, including Hermione and Ron, the twins who looked like they were enjoying this too much, and, for some unknown reason, Sirius and Remus who seemed to have popped magically out of nowhere for no reason.

_Come on, take it and you'll see that  
I will be the one who's laughing at you!  
Because it's a sailor uniform,  
QED! (Latin acronym for the phrase "duh, I rest my case". No, I'm not kidding, look at the chapter title)_

_Even though it's Monday, I'm not feeling well  
So what should I do?  
If only I could wear my summer clothing, it's so cute!_

They started to slow down for the end.

_3 piece clothing, That's a hard choice to make, Yah!  
Just work it! Yeah! Excited? Yeah!  
My Darling Darling PLEASE!!_

The music stopped as they paused, sweating slightly and looking out at their audience.

All the death eaters, save for Voldemort were unconscious on the ground, some of them bleeding from the eyes or ears. Voldemort was huddled in the corner sobbing, while Lucius was clapping. Alphonse stood behind him, getting ready to smash a potted plant on his head when he saw Ed's disapproving look.

"Well, it looks like we took care of the Death Eaters." Draco pointed out.

"But at what cost? You realize that we've lost our manly dignity, haven't you?" Harry asked, "And as Harry Potter, that's something I can't lose!"

_Oh Harry, you lost that a LONG time ago, comments a reader. _

Alphonse helped untie the teachers. Dumbledore stood, straightening his beard, most likely contemplating getting it shaved, it was getting tiresome to be straightening it all the time.

"Well, uh, thanks for saving the school...I think."

"Your welcome sir." Harry said.

"Although frankly, your skirt disturbs me."

"I know sir."

"Then again, the pink is kind of pretty."

"Uh, thanks sir." Harry blushed.

"But what should we do about Voldemort?" Hermione asked, pointing over at the ball in the corner that was the cowering Dark Lord.

Nobody knew what to do with him, so they decided to leave him be.

"What now?" Alphonse asked.

"And can I change out of this skirt?" Ed moaned.

"I'm not sure. I guess there's nothing left to do here in this world." Amaya shrugged.

"What do you mean by 'this world?'", Dumbledore asked.

"Yeah, time travelers from another fandom dimension. We went over this about three chapters ago, remember?" Amaya asked.

"Oh yeah."

"How do we get back to the void?" Ed asked.

Amaya smirked. "Remember that picture of the British grasshopper I took?" she asked.

"I think."

"Watch." she said as she pulled the picture out of her pocket. She flung it in the air and it floated a little above their heads. The grasshopper in the picture suddenly pealed itself away from the paper, looking around once before spotting Amaya.

"Ah, Master Amaya. It's been quite a while. Unsuccessful in your quest?"

"Shut up Jerry. I need a portal back to the void." she snapped. Apparently she had a beef with this particularly grasshopper. The grasshopper glared at her before twisting its body in a circular shape. A large, swirling vortex appeared in its place.

"What the..." Ed started to say.

"Jerry is the official guide of the fandom void. He takes on the form of objects taken from the void and you have to have something from the void in order to open it. He's kind of an ass once you really get to know him." Amaya explained.

"Then how did you open the portal back in Armestis?"

"I used the Gate. Sometimes you can use a fandom's objects to open the void." Amaya said as Ed noticed her slip something into her pocket.

"So that's it." Harry spoke up. "You guys are leaving?"

"Looks like it." Alphonse said.

"Unless you want to come? Want to get involved in mysterious adventures and shit?" Edward grinned.

Harry shook his hands in front of him. "No thanks. I get enough of that already."

"Your loss. Come on, let's go." Edward said. Amaya paused.

"I have just two questions though. Sirius and Remus, what are you two doing here!?" she said, pointing over at the two of them that had popped up randomly through the dance.

"Dumbledore called us over to try to help. Also, he was seeing something about giving me the ability to turn into a werewolf."

"Why would you want that?" Alphonse asked.

"Let's just say that I'll be able to get down on Remus lycanthropy style..." Sirius said with a sneaky grin.

"...That was completely disgusting and mentally scarring." Harry whispered after a moment.

"And Dumbledore, I heard that you are gay!" Amaya said. Whether she already knew that before or after reader comments is yet to be known. "So why are you having sex with just about anybody?"

"Please, how can that J.K. Rowling make it so that I can only do guys? There's plenty of _the Dumbledore _to go around." Dumbledore said, thumbs up in a trademark Fonsie style.

"I'm not sure if that was more disgusting than what Sirius said a moment ago." Harry pointed out.

"Anyway, I hope you three have a safe journey...but beware of the snake in the grass."

Everyone stared. "What now?" Ed asked.

Dumbledore suddenly looked shifty, whispering, "The eye that sees whats yet to come shall be blinded by events predetermined by a prophecy ripped off the Yugioh movie..."

Amaya suddenly started pulling Edward toward the void. "Let's go."

"But what do you mean by that?" Ed asked.

Dumbledore shrugged. "Not sure. I heard that whispering obscure nonsense made you sound cool and mysterious."

This was the last thing Ed heard before the void closed. Dumbledore and the teachers turned away just in time to see Voldemort, who had recovered from his eye trauma, leering over them.

"Now that they are gone, there is nothing to stop me from-Potter, will you please change out of that skirt already?" Voldemort asked. Everyone looked over at Harry and shuddered. They had forgotten about the skirt.

"I will as soon as I find a secure place where a Mary Sue won't jump me."

"I sympathize with you Potter. I always have to find a new hideout before a Sue somehow tracks me down." Voldemort nodded. Voldemort suddenly had an idea.

"You know Potter, if I ruled the world, I would get rid of all the Sues."

Harry looked thoughtful before nodding. "I like the sound of that, it's not such a bad idea. How about we work together on this?"

And thus, as Ed, Al, and Amaya were off to another fandom, Harry and Voldemort joined forces and took over the world. To the dismay of Sue writers everywhere, they shifted their reign of terror from mudbloods to fangirls.

And everyone in the Harry Potter universe lived happily ever after.

Well, except for the fangirls.

But what fandoms await our travelers? Will Ed discover the secret meaning behind Dumbledore's obscure message? What did Amaya slip into her pocket earlier? Will Envy and Roy make any appearances? Will Al get more lines in the next chapter? And will Ed and Amaya ever change out of those horrendous skirts before getting to the next fandom? Tune in next time to find out!

_The moral here is that being mysterious is only cool if you actually have something to be mysterious about._


	7. Dial R for Review

_Is it that time already? Yes folks, its time for Read The Reviews! (To know when a chapter is about reading reviews, the title will have "mail" or "review" in it.)_

"That was one crazy school." Al spoke up as our favorite gate-hopping trio walked through the yellow void known as the Space Fandom Continuum.

"Well, let's rest for a moment so that we can save some strength for the next fandom. This one might have been easy, but the next ones might give us more problems on our hands. Problems that can't be solved with cross dressing." Ed added, throwing a look over at Amaya, who look affronted at the idea that there were problems in the universe that couldn't be solved with sailor skirts.

"Fine. And besides, this gives us an excellent time to respond to reviews!" Amaya said cheerfully as she dumped a large mag of mail in front of them.

"So soon?" Ed moaned.

"It's either now or later."

"Fine, get it over with. Please don't make me respond to the weird ones though."

"I'll read one first." Al offered, smoothing one out and reading it aloud. "This one says..."

**Lol, yeah, they went to Hogwarts first! LOL! Should be interesting to see what happens here when you get to it. -snickers- Should be quite entertaining if I say so myself, lol. Heck, even I'VE done a FMA/HP crossover once, and I rarely do crossovers, hehe...though I'm not sure if you could consider it a legitimate crossover...considering how it totally made fun of...everything. LOL! Well, I guess some people would consider it legitimate, even if they have never heard about blood thirsty Ishbalin penguins, hehe. In any case, update soon if you can. I want to see where this goes, now that I've actually read it, lol. From, agent000.**

"...Blood thirsty...Ishbalin penguins?" Al asked, staring at the review incredulously.

"Amaya, what did I say a minute ago about weird reviews!" Ed fumed. Amaya wasn't really listening.

"Wow, she really likes to laugh out loud a lot." she commented.

"Amaya!"

"Fine, we'll move on. I'll read this one next." she offered.

**PLEASE tell me you'll also do the second-most done crossover. I LIVE for FMAxCSI crossovers. Please? From, auPHE.**

"Huh, I've never seen a CSI and Full Metal Alchemist crossover before. Is it really the second most common one?" Amaya wondered aloud.

"Dang it, Amaya got an easy review!" Ed muttered. "I bet the one I read is going to weird me out!"

"Well, this one is addressed to you, Brother." Al said, handing him one.

"Really? Let me see..."

**Alright! Sequel! Nice job, by the way...Yes, I am obsessed with Havoc, and unless it's Ed reading this, I think you're going to understand what I'm going to ask...Assuming Ed is reading this: (c'mon, don't hurt me! It's a JOKE!!) Could you (even for a split second) put Havoc in the fig? Uh, I mean...fic. Yeah...you eat figs. I do wanna eat Havoc. Fic...not fig...yeah...From, Havoc's Honey.**

"Knew I would get a weird one. And why Havoc?"

"You called?" a voice asked, as Havoc appeared in all his glory out of nowhere. Ed, Al, and Amaya stared in wonder.

"...How did you get in here?" Ed asked.

"And shouldn't you be with Feury right now? You never know when he might run back to Breda." Amaya pointed out.

"Damn it, you're right! Got to go!" Havoc cursed as he disappeared into thin air again.

"Right...moving on to the next review..." Amaya said as she began to read the next one.

**ROYROYROYROYROYROYROY! (Ahem. Apologies.) Yay! A sequel! Aw...I miss the crackiness...Thanks so much for writing more!...why does Itachi owe you money?...Anyways, thanks so much for updating, it was really funny! From, Alichay.**

"You called?" Roy asked as he too also appeared in thin air.

"We did that joke already." Ed cut in.

Roy's shoulders lowered in disappointment as he disappeared again. Amaya didn't really pay attention to this, as she remembered why Itachi owed her money...

_Flashback_

Amaya sat across a table from Itachi. Itachi glared at her hatefully.

"You understand the circumstances, don't you?" Itachi asked.

"Of course I do."

"Good."

"Frankly though, I'm worried that this whole 'killing your entire clan and joining the Akatsuki' is going to interfere with your underlined job as a wedding planner." Amaya said with just an etch of concern.

"Nonsense. I have most of them planned in advance. I'm thinking that a marigold beach theme for that lovely couple from the Hyuuga household would be just fantastic." Itachi explained.

"Right, but you have it listed here in your resume." Amaya pointed to on the paper in front of them.

"It matters not."

"If you say so...under your list of crimes, you've got...impersonation, theft, multiple homicides, massive damage to the Uchiha district, use of a forbidden kekegenkai...no jail time though...how interesting..."

"You make me sound too evil."

"You murdered your entire clan, save your little brother who is going to be scarred for life!" Amaya pointed out, flabbergasted.

"Anime spins stories like that." Itachi dismissed with a wave of the hand.

"You can't spin shit like that!"

"Well, just because I can kill someone in cold blood doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I did it for my own personally unnamed reasons as far as the fandom community knows." Itachi reasoned, before looking disappointed. "Then again, those reasons were recently revealed in that accursed manga, which I will now finish this sentence before the authoress ends up spoiling the manga."

Amaya massaged the spot between her eyes before returning to the resume. "But anyway, you want to join the Akatsuki, right? Why? You could do so much better."

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." Itachi said, eyes narrowing. But then he put a finger to his chin. "Which I can't do right now because you temporarily revoked my license to kill."

Amaya shrugged. "It was just a counter measure so that you won't kill me during this interview. Another issue of concern lies in your medical stamina. Aren't you going blind?"

"Again, it doesn't matter. It won't matter when my foolish little brother eventually gets the Mangekyo Sharingan so that I can...I said I'm not spoiling it damn it!" Itachi shouted at the ceiling. Amaya picked up a broom at her feet as she hit the ceiling with it. "Get back to work, you lazy fangirl!" she yelled. There was a sound of a bookshelf falling onto the floor and the hurried typing of keys.

"So am I accepted?" Itachi asked, pretending that the following occurrence didn't happen.

Amaya looked him over carefully. "Well...as long you're not a filthy alcoholic whore-mongering chain-smoking gambler, then yes, you are accepted."

"Good. How much is the entry fee."

"Two thousand American dollars."

Itachi froze. "I...don't really have that kind of money."

Amaya tutted. "I see...well, you seem like a good candidate for our exclusive club, so I'll let you in. But as the temporary secretary of the Akatsuki, you should know that money can make people talk. You owe me."

Itachi gave her a look that promised death. "I understand."

"I'm glad you do. You may leave now. Your license to kill, your Akatsuki cloak, and those incredibly cool hats with the white dangly things will be waiting for you on your way out."

"Don't those make it hard to see?" Itachi asked.

Amaya grinned broadly. "Being unable to see is a small price to pay for looking fashionable."

_Flashback End_

"Amaya...your getting that weird look again. You know, the one where someone is either watching a flashback or they're having a stroke." Ed's voice said from far off.

"Whoops, sorry! Let's move on!"

**Cheer up, Amaya! It's not your fault that you didn't get enough reviews! The other reviewers are just bastards! From, Mr. Thumbsup.**

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away...

What is to be assumed is a guy suddenly shivers. "Why do I suddenly get the distinct possibility that about 50 reviewers want me dead for calling them bastards?"

Back to our trio...

"...And...that's it!" Amaya smiled almost forcefully as she tossed the entire bag of reviews behind her.

"We only read five reviews." Al pointed out.

"Yeah well, the authoress is feeling incredibly lazy for some reason. So let's end this on a note different than usual!" Amaya said. She pulled out from nowhere one of those pointers that you can adjust the size of to point at things on a blackboard. (Enjoy your little innuendo)

"It's time for our new segment, Fanfic Recommendation!"

Game show music began to play in the background as she pointed to the name on the chalkboard next to her.

"Some of you readers may browse around looking for good fanfiction, but can't find the one you're looking for? Well, here's the names of some good **Harry Potter fanfictions** that I have read and found on here. After every time we leave a fandom, I'll put up a few names of recommended fanfics that I thought were really good, pertaining to that fandom. It works like this..."

Amaya tapped the board once and the following words appeared.

Author's Personal Recommendation: That means that this pertains to certain types that I like to look for! Personally, I like friendly Snape and Harry interaction fanfics. (Not romance! Sometimes fatherly!) And so, I recommend **Kept Behind **and its sequel **Dark Influences** by **LAXgirl**. I also recommend all of **teacherbev's **Harry Potter fanfics, as a lot of them are friendly Snape and Harry interaction fics. I also like some of those "The Marauders and Lily Read The Harry Potter Books" fanfics, so I give a thumbs up to the ones written by **Elspeth25**.

Comedy Factor Recommendation: Of course, I'm a girl of parody and humor, so the best fics to recommend for that would be **Evadne's Once Upon A Freakin' Time **and **So You've Decided To Be Evil**, as well as the works of **evansentranced**.

Crossover Recommendation: I would be a dirty hypocrite if I didn't have a crossover recommendation, so I give five stars to **The Stag And The Dragon **by **Kenya Starflight**. (Harry Potter/Star Wars crossover!) I also give five stars to **The New Students **by **White Angel Chan**! (Harry Potter/Yugioh crossover!)

Ed appeared alongside her. "Now, despite the threat of receiving forty lashes with a wet noodle from the authoress, we will not recommend any of her fanfics. It's lame. 'Sides, we all already know how great she is." he said with a roll of his eyes.

"Please remember that this is all just an _opinion! _You do not have to like them and you do not have to read them!" Al reminded the readers.

"Also, since this is a crossover fanfic, if you have a request for a fandom, then shout it out! We'll do our best to see if we can get there! The authoress has some parts written out for some fandoms, with no particular order of how some should go, so it won't bother her!" Amaya also said.

"And remember..." all three said at the same time, throwing their hands up in the air.

"Review!"


	8. Authoress Used Plothole! Supereffective!

So let's get on rolling to the next fandom! Surprisingly though, we're only in this fandom for one chapter...and slight character revelations about Amaya? And...narrators arguing with each other at the end? This is getting really confusing...

I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or...

* * *

"So where are we going next?" Alphonse asked.

"I surmise that we'll be going somewhere that the authoress actually has experience in writing." Ed guessed. They ignored this fourth wall comment as a bright flash of light greeted them.

"Here we go!" Amaya called.

When the flash of light passed, they found themselves standing outside of the gates of a small town. The town appeared modern, with tall skyscrapers in the distance as well as little houses, as it seems that whoever made this town couldn't decide if it should be a suburban town or a city. A cheerful looking lady with make-up to disguise old age plastered all over her face stood next to the gate.

"Hello there travelers! I'm Ms. Butterscotch. Welcome to "Random Purple, Possibly Magenta Town!" the woman greeted happily.

"Random Purple, Possibly Magenta Town?" Ed asked incredulously.

"Yeah, in this fandom, they tend to name all the towns after random flowers, trees, or colors. I guess they got lazy when it came to this town." Amaya said with a distasteful expression.

"Where are we anyway?" Ed asked, looking past her over to Alphonse. "Hey Al, what do you..."

Ed trailed off as he stared at Alphonse. "Al...what the hell happened to you?"

Alphonse was no longer a suit of armor. Now Al was a floating steel disk with yellow eyes that was blinking at Ed curiously. It had six circular orbs around the base of the disk and it looked like it had a smile painted on the disk under its eyes and a frown painted above its eyes.

_"What are you talking about, Brother?" _The floating disk asked, yet its voice wasn't heard through its mouth, it was more telepathic. It looked itself over before letting out a mental shriek. _"What the hell?"_

Alphonse rarely curses, so that's how we know that this is serious.

Ed stared at Al for a few seconds before roughly grabbing Amaya by the front of her shirt. "What did you do to Al?"

"I didn't do anything, I swear! My hands are clean!"

Ed looked down at her hands. Indeed they were clean, but that wasn't the point.

The painted up lady from before spoke up. "Language, children. Cursing is not allowed here."

"Shut up lady, this isn't any of your business!" Ed spat at her, almost literally as there appeared to be foam coming out of his mouth.

Ms. Butterscotch was still wearing that creepy smile as she calmly wiped her face of angry spit. "No need to get so angry young man."

**Our three travelers have been landed in the strangest place, and now they must find out where they are and what has happened to Alphonse!**

Ed jumped a foot in the air at the strange voice. That's saying something really.

"Who just spoke?"

**Oh me? I'm the Narrator of this fandom! I tell people what's going on in the beginning and end of story, and it always ends with a kid friendly moral! We changed your brother into a Bronzor because giant suits of armor with souls inside them are not kid friendly!**

"What the f-"

**No cursing! That's not kid friendly!**

Ed began to swear so loudly and colorfully that the authoress would have to up the rating of this fanfic to include it. All this swearing attracted the traveling group that was heading toward them.

"Yes, we're finally here! Time to get me a gym badge!" said the black, spiky haired kid in the front that had what appeared to be a big yellow rat on his shoulder.

"I can't wait to see Nurse Joy!" spoke up his male traveling companion with the squinty eyes.

"Is there a contest in this town?" asked a girl wearing red with long brunette hair under a bandanna.

"Who are those people up there?" asked the inquisitive little boy with the yellow glasses, pointing at our trio.

Yes, my readers, I'm sure you know where we are now. If you don't, then you need a life. Because anyone who doesn't know where we are needs to suck a railroad spike.

You've had a depraved childhood if you don't know what...

"Alright, we get it!" everyone shouted at the authoress.

Right. Moving on...

"Wow, what Pokemon is that?" the little boy that asks too many questions asked as he looked Alphonse over. 

_"I'm not a Pokemon, whatever that is!" _Alphonse protested. 

"Max, leave them alone!" called the brunette girl. 

"It's OK May, he can look at him." Amaya said quietly. For some reason, she was looking at Max oddly. 

"See! It's alright!" Max said in an "I told you so" voice, before looking confused. "Wait..."

He turned to Amaya. "How did you know her name?"

Amaya seemed to bite her tongue before replying, "I've heard about her from other contest coordinators."

"Oh...that makes perfect sense." Max said before going back to ogling the Pokemon turned Alphonse. Ed stared at Amaya curiously before turning their attention to the two guys. 

"Well, I'm Ash. I'm trying to be a Pokemon Master. And this is-" he started to introduce Brock, but Brock had stepped in front of Amaya and grabbed her hands. 

"And I'm Brock, world's greatest Pokemon Breeder, yet somehow I'm still single! Tell me, would you like to see my pokeballs?"

"No wonder you're single." May commented dryly. Ed was fuming and looked about ten seconds away from killing Brock. Amaya, however, was smiling. 

"Pleasure to meet you. I'm Amaya." she introduced. Brock seemed to smile until suddenly Amaya brought her knee up into a place where a knee shouldn't hit a guy. 

"And I'm not available." she added with a nasty grin as Brock collapsed. She whispered to Ed, "I've always wanted to do that!"

Ed and Al looked as confused as ever. But Ed got over it quickly. "But Amaya, what about Al?" he asked, gesturing to the confused Bronzor. 

"That's just an effect of the fandom. It should wear off when we leave." she whispered back. "After all, for some reason they changed my clothes because my hoodie used to be slightly revealing." she pointed out. It was true. Her once incredibly cute hoodie with the hearts that showed off her midriff and the black sweatpants that came with it had been replaced by a regular tan shirt and pants, as well as the stereotypical pair of gray gloves. (Seriously, have you noticed that nearly everyone in the show wears gloves?) Apparently, they like girls looking either incredibly revealing or completely bland, and apparently Amaya doesn't have the chest to be revealing. (Amaya: HEY!)

"That's it's name? Al?" Max asked, looking back at Amaya. 

"Uh, yeah! Al...our Bronzor." Amaya laughed hesitantly. Brock got up, pride bruised, probably unable to have children, and maybe the closest that he has ever came to losing his virginity, but he still stood before her. 

"We may have gotten off on the wrong foot, but..."

"Look, why don't you go see if Ms. Butterscotch could do with your loving?" Amaya said hatefully, gesturing over to the round lady by the gate from earlier, who gave a little wave and a big buck toothed smile. There was lipstick smeared on her front teeth.

"Uh...no, never mind." Brock looked down at the ground. May rolled her eyes at this. 

"If Brock doesn't want to hit it, it's probably because it's too old, too young, or is actually a guy."

Everyone curiously looked over at Ms. Butterscotch before shuddering at the mental picture. 

"Look Brock, you can rape underage girls later, right now we need to find the gym leader!" Ash snapped impatiently before striding forward through the gate. Everyone stared before Ms. Butterscotch commented, 

"Now there's a boy with his priorities straight!"

* * *

**And so, Amaya, Ed, and Al the Bronzor found themselves following this strange group to the next gym...**

"Hey, don't make me come up there and kick your ass, sky!" Ed shouted at the narrator. The narrator hushed up after this threat, forgetting that someone as short as Ed couldn't reach the sky anyway. 

"What was that?" Ed shouted at the sky. 

"What's wrong with him?" May asked Amaya. Amaya shrugged. 

"I think the sky insulted him."

"O-OK..." May said, probably wondering if it was safe for these people to be hanging around them. 

"So who is the Gym Leader of this town anyway?" Ash asked. 

"I think it's a Grass type." Max the know it all said after looking at his Poke'nav. 

"So, do you guys battle gyms?" May asked Amaya and Ed. 

"Do what now?" Ed asked. Amaya slapped a hand over his mouth. "What he means is that no, we don't. We're only interested in being traveling trainers, not really concentrated on entering the league...yeah..."

Ash turned to Ed. "Do you want to battle?"

Ed grinned. Finally, an excuse to hurt someone! "Yeah, but I should point out that I am pretty tough!"

Amaya coughed. "Ed, he means a Pokemon battle, not a literal human battle!"

"What?" Ed asked, but Ash had already turned to the yellow rat on his shoulder. "Go Pikachu!"

"Pika!" it shouted, landing on the ground in front of them. Ed, who had not noticed it before, pointed at it. 

"What the hell is that?" 

"That's a rude way of asking what Pokemon it is." May said sourly. Ash pulled out his pokedex. "Here, let me check."

Dexter spoke up. **"Pikachu. The electric mouse Poke-hey wait a minute, this is your Pokemon! How do you not know what it is?" **it asked angrily. 

"Well, uh..."

**"God, I'm surrounded by idiots! Idiots!" **the pokedex suddenly shrieked before exploding in Ash's hands. Ash stared at it, shrugged, and tossed it over his shoulder. "I never liked it anyway. Barely used it once I came to the Hoeinnoh region."

"The Hoeinnoh region?" Amaya asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"Well, they wanted me to originally go to Sinnoh, but then they wanted May too, and then they started getting confused about where the hell we are." Ash shrugged.

"Uh, hey, aren't you going to be late for your gym battle?" Amaya asked suddenly so that he wouldn't remember to battle Ed. 

"Oh yeah, let's go!"

Everyone hurried after Ash. As they ran, Ed muttered to Amaya. "Why do these people automatically trust us?" 

"Well, you could be savage cannibals escaped from the mental asylum, but as long as you're against Team Rocket, then you're OK in Ash's books." Amaya shrugged. 

"Team Rocket? What's that?"

Meanwhile, three incompetent thieves were watching our group from the bushes. 

"Look at the newest friends those twerps picked up." the red headed girl commented. 

"They're strange, different from the usual kind of people the twerps become friends with." spoke up the blue haired boy. 

"But they've got a Bronzor! You know how we work. Whatever they catch, Team Rocket will steal. So what's the plan?" asked their wise talking cat Pokemon. 

"Well, I've got a plan!" spoke up the blue haired boy. 

"What is it James?" the red headed girl asked. 

"Listen Jessie, here's the plan. We go in. I start hitting them hard in the face while Meowth grabs their Pokemon. See where it takes us." James laid out the plan. He looked quite proud of himself, as if he factored a binomial equation all by himself. 

Jessie and Meowth stared at him. 

"OK fine, I'll work on it some more!"

"You know how we work James. Unless it's a waste of time and a colossal waste of the anime budget, we don't do it." Jessie informed him. 

"Name something on this show that isn't a waste of money." Meowth said out of the corner of his mouth. (Jessie and Meowth then shared a laugh at this fourth wall comment)

"Wait, I got an idea!" James suddenly cried. 

"Does it involve radioactive sharks?" Jessie asked. 

"Actually it involves mind-controlled chipmunks..."

"Then I don't even want to hear it..."

* * *

The gang was now leaving the grass gym. Despite the fact that Ash typically won without really trying, he was still a little bent out of shape. 

"Did I ever tell you that I really hate Brelooms? Something about kung-fu action mushrooms doesn't sit well with me." Ash mentioned to them. Everyone nodded in agreement. Arceus had to be on some serious crack to create a Pokemon like Shroomish and its evolved form Breloom. 

"And it really sucks when the gym leader talks about how great they are. Seriously, don't talk about how awesome you are until AFTER you win!" Amaya said. 

"And that was really uncalled for when that gym leader started insulting your Bronzor." May said to Ed and Amaya. 

_"It really hurts a person's feelings when they're called weak..." _Alphonse moaned to himself. 

Max looked at the Bronzor curiously. "You're not a person, you're a Pokemon." he pointed out. 

Al stopped, staring at Max with a twisted expression. Clearly he was still upset about being demoted to a Pokemon. _"You little shit!" _he cursed and Ed was forced to attempt to hold the floating disk back while Amaya stepped in front of Max protectively. 

"Al, calm down, he doesn't know!" Ed yelled loudly, yet Al was still determined to get at the little kid. But he seemed to stop when he saw the cold look Amaya was giving him. A look that suggested that she would beat the crud out of him if he touched one hair on Max's head. 

"Look, let's all just calm down and...hey, what's that over there?" Brock suddenly pointed. 

They turned to see one of those small stands. There was a man calling out to them. "Step right up, and win a life time supply of berries!" 

Ash automatically started drooling. "Mmm...food..."

Amaya tried not to look too weirded out by the Homer Simpson impression as she dropped a ten dollar bill on the table. "Alright, I'm in."

The man turned to a contraption that had many little ping pong balls in it. "If you get the one with the star on it, then you win!" he informed her. They watched as he turned the little wheel around and a small ping pong ball came out. It had a star on it. 

"My goodness, you win!" he congratulated. "You won a life time supply of berries!"

Ed thought he saw Amaya glance at Max before gesturing to Ash and the others. "They can have it. I won't need it."

Ed was about to open his mouth to ask why when suddenly a net dropped down over the pile of berries. Evil cackling greeted their ears, forcing them all to look up at the Meowth Hot Air Balloon(trademark) above them. 

"To protect the world from devastation!  
To unite all people within our nation!  
To denounce the evils of truth and love!  
To extend our reach to the stars above!  
Listen, is that a voice I hear?  
It's speaking to me loud and clear!  
Jes-hey wait a minute..."

Jessie stopped the motto. "I think we've got them mixed up. Our Kanto one and our Sinnoh one!" she pointed out to James. 

"You're right! What should we do?"

"We could always just get away before they send us blasting off again." Meowth quietly suggested. 

Jessie and James stared at him disbelievingly. "Not without the motto!"

"But..."

While they were arguing, Ash and the gang were trying to come up with a plan. Amaya shook her head. "Don't they know the universal rule? Don't steal food from anyone capable of kicking the shit out of you?"

"I could just thundershock them and get this over with..." Ash suggested. 

"Wait, maybe you could use your Bronzor to beat them!" May suggested, looking over at Al.

_"WHAT?"_

"Yeah, let's see it do some moves!" Max said excitedly. Amaya stared at him for a second before turning to Al. "Uh, alright...Al...use Confusion!"

_"What are you talking about, I'm already confused!"_

"Just try Al!" Ed encouraged. 

_"Fine!" _Al huffed before turning to the balloon. Al was surrounded by a purple-ish pink energy that shot out at Team Rocket. 

Team Rocket started stumbling around in the balloon, being affected by the Confusion. 

"Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace!" Jessie said distractedly. 

"Surrender now or prepare to fight..." James mumbled. 

"That's not right..." Meowth muttered weakly before falling down. 

"Pikachu, use Thundershock!" Ash called. Pikachu jumped into the air. 

"Pi-ka-chu!" it shouted as electricity coursed through its body. The electricity slammed into the balloon, causing it to explode and send Team Rocket flying. 

"We're blasting off again!" they shouted in the distance. But, despite beating Team Rocket, they went sailing off with the berries as well. 

"They still have the food..." Ash moaned. 

Amaya dismissed it. "They probably need it. They haven't had a meal in weeks." 

"Well, I guess its time to head off to the next town." Brock mentioned. 

"Yeah, where are you guys heading?" May asked Ed. 

"Uh...to a different town than yours, that's for sure." Ed muttered under his breath. 

Max turned to Amaya, surprising her slightly. "So Amaya, will I see you guys again? I want to see what other Pokemon you have!"

Amaya was caught off guard, staring at him before smiling a little. "Yeah, maybe someday Max."

"Max, stop pestering her!" May scolded. Amaya spoke up. "You know, you should be nicer to your little brother May, not always scolding or snapping at him. 

"She's right. He's the only little brother you have." Ed agreed. 

"Oh...alright." May look affronted, but stayed quiet. 

"Bye guys!" Our trio waved as they watched Ash and his friends disappear over the hill. Amaya didn't stop waving until Max disappeared over the hill. As they stepped through their fandom traveling gate, Ed turned to Amaya.

"How come you were so nice to that Max kid?"

They were in the fandom void again. For a moment Ed ignored Al's happy cries of being a suit of armor once more, which then turned into disappointed cries of being a suit of armor once more. 

Amaya seemed distracted. Ed wondered what she was thinking about. She shrugged, giving Ed a tiny smile. 

"He...reminded me of someone."

And for the first time, Ed realized that he didn't really know anything about Amaya...

_The moral here is that nothing is more beautiful than forcing animals to beat the shit out of each other..._

**Hey! That's not kid friendly!**

_What the? WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? _

**I'm everywhere and I see all!**

_Keh, STALKER!_

**That's not very nice...**

_Look, I'm running the morality here, so you can just go back to your fandom! Otherwise I'm going to rip your intestines out and feed it to rabid Pidgeys!_

**FINE! I'm leaving! (sound of hurried running away)**

_Yeah you better run, bitch! _


	9. A New Eggciting Complication

So sorry, I have very bad writer's block. Sort of. And sorry that the Pokemon journey was so short compared to Harry Potter, but I felt that I got all my points across. Well, most of them, some may be addressed in the next reading the reviews segment. Fell free to send in more questions and suggestions about the next fandom they should go to! I swear that the next chapter will be better and funnier!

This is kind of filler, but also not filler at the same time. Especially at the end.

Don't own anything big and important. And don't shoot me for the pun in the chapter title!

* * *

_Log-Day...I think it might be the ninth, according to Amaya. _

_We've taken a break from this "fandom traveling" with Amaya. We've been able to eat and sleep thanks to the help of this "Jerry" that we met before._

_He's an odd guy. When we first saw him, he appeared to be a teenager wearing one of those brown robes and short brown hair with odd glowing green eyes. Sort of like a monk. He speaks with a British accent though, which is what confuses me. Why would there be a British monk?_

_He just makes things appear out of nowhere using that power that we once saw Amaya use-what did she call it? Plotholes? He uses something that looks similar to alchemy to make a small house for us that emerged out of a hole in the ground. It seems this will be where we will rest after a few of these "fandom journeys". Ed asked what happens to the house when we leave, and she just simply said that Jerry would take care of it. Apparently he's the gate keeper of the Space Fandom Continum. _

_It's actually really nice. There's a kitchen, a living room, and lots of bedrooms. Enough for us all to have seperate bedrooms with guest rooms left over. Amaya has her own room and me and Ed are sharing a room. She doesn't know why the house made several bedrooms, and this Jerry isn't telling. _

_Ed and Amaya are acting...weird. There's one computer in the house, and for the past **4 hours **they've been staring at a video on something called "Youtube" that has a song called "Caramelldansen"...and they're DANCING TO IT! _

"I can't...fight...the music!" both seemed to shout at the same time as they're doing this weird hip swinging while having their hands to their heads like rabbit ears. And they've been dancing like that for 4 hours, repeating the song over and over.

Al looked up from the journal he was writing in. He had asked for one from Amaya so that they could record their adventures to take back to Armestis. He sighed, closing it and standing up to turn off the computer when there was a sudden rattle from his chest compartment.

This seemed to snap them out of their dance. "Al...what was that?" Ed asked warningly.

Amaya turned down the music as Al looked flushed.

"Well...I..."

"Al, did you pick up any animals you saw when we were in the Pokemon world?" Amaya asked suddenly. Al looked like he had gotten caught as he put his hands up defensively.

"Well not exactly..."

Before he could finish his sentence, Ed started walking over. "Open your chest now."

"But Ed..."

"Al!"

"Fine..." Al sighed as he opened his chest. He reached inside and pulled out an egg. It was a simple cream colored egg with little brown spots decorating it. Ed stared. "What is that?"

"It's a Pokemon egg. Inside of that right now is a baby Pokemon. And it looks like it could hatch sometime soon." Amaya answered monotonously.

"Into what?" Ed asked warily.

"I have a vague idea, but I think it's better to just find out when it hatches. And it also makes a great way to leave the readers hanging for a little while." she added.

"Amaya, you confuse me when you start talking like that you know." Ed said.

"But can we keep it?" Al asked.

"We're going to have to now, it's not like we can just toss it into a wormhole." Amaya said.

"Why do I have a feeling that this isn't going to end well?" Ed asked, but neither Amaya or Al seemed to hear him because Amaya interrupted him by saying, "Al, you have to take responsibility for it, ok?"

"I promise!"

"Besides, it might be good for Al. Pokemon can fight you know, so it can be helpful to us, especially for Al if we get into a bad situation." Amaya shrugged.

"Fine. So what now?" Ed asked impatiently.

"I guess we can go off to another fandom. The readers are probably getting bored of us sitting around doing nothing."

"Amaya, what did I say about talking like that!"

* * *

"Colonel Mustang, I think you should see this..."

"What now Havoc?" Roy asked impatiently. He was supposed to be filling out paperwork, but at the moment he was playing solitaire on his computer.

"There's a giant door sitting on the roof of our building." Havoc said, pointing at the ceiling.

Roy sat up quickly. "Take me to it."

Maybe it had something to do with the disappearences of Fullmetal, his brother, and that other friend of his. So he followed Havoc up to the roof until they stopped at the top of the stairs at the large door incarved with runes in front of them.

"Go get Hawkeye, now!" Roy ordered. Havoc nodded and left. Roy approached the door, a hand to his chin. "What is this door?" he asked. He then noticed that the door was slightly open by a tiny crack.

"I wonder if I should see what's behind it." he muttered, reaching out and pulling it open a little more.

Quite suddenly, something grabbed Roy and pulled him in, the door clicking shut behind him with a loud bang.

"Damn it!" Roy swore as he blacked out.

Havoc and Hawkeye came running up the stairs a few seconds later, only to find that the door was gone. And so was Roy.

* * *

_"You want back in to the fanfic?" asks a familiar voice sitting from behind a desk in the dark. She really should get that lightbulb changed. _

_"You never gave me a contract for the next fanfic." her associate answers coldly. _

_"I wasn't planning on putting you back in."_

_"Why the fuck not? Everyone loves me and my drunk shenanigans. The only reason that they're reading this crap right now is hoping that I get back into the fanfic!" he stands, palms on her desks. _

_The person behind the desk regards him for a moment before writing something down. "I guess I can pencil you in to be included in the fanfic as a supportive character to the main characters like how Roy is." she says before snapping her fingers. A plain white door with familiar runes carved in it appears next to her. _

_"Step through this door and you'll be taken to the Space Fandom Continum. Where the Elrics are. Tell me, what do you plan on doing?" she asked curiously. _

_"I'm supposed to be a bad guy and causing trouble, which is something I haven't been doing lately. So I'm thinking about creating mass chaos and the like."_

_"I see...well, this should be interesting. You may enter. However, I can't guarentee where you will end up."_

_"Whatever." the visitor dismissed as he opened the door. A strong wind pulled him in through the door, snapping it shut behind him. The door disappears as the girl behind the desk starts writing again, chuckling under her breath._

_"Good luck, Envy..."_


	10. Don't Believe It

Sorry for taking so long for updating this fic. Here's the new chapter. I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist and the current fandom being traveled in. And remember, you can make guesses and suggestions on the Pokemon egg from the last chapter!

* * *

Our gatehopping trio appeared in the middle of a dense forest. The trees towered over them somewhat menacingly, closing in all around them. The wind seemed to make the trees shake, making an odd rattling noise. They took a few steps, looking around at the surrounding area.

"So where are we this time, Amaya?" Ed asked.

"I'm...not so sure, actually..." Amaya said, a hand to her chin. "I was sort of hoping for something more bright and cheerful rather than a dark and creepy forest."

She seemed to examine a nearby tree with interest. "This place looks familiar, but I don't know what it's called...Dark Woods...The Clearing of Pain and Suffering..."

"How about the Forest of Death?" Al suggested.

"No no, that's not it..." Amaya dismissed.

Quite suddenly, something whizzed past Ed's face and impaled the tree behind him.

"This is the Forest of Death..." said a voice somewhere in the trees. Amaya snapped her fingers.

"Oh yes, that was it! The Forest of Death!"

"But isn't that what I just said?" Al asked.

"No, you had some idea like Woods of Evil or something like that." Amaya shook off. Ed however, went over to inspect the object that had impaled the tree.

"It looks like a knife of some kind." Ed pointed. Amaya came over and examined it as well.

"I believe this is a kunai. Ninjas use these." Amaya explained, before noticing a piece of paper attached to it. "...And we need to run like hell now."

"...Why?" Ed asked.

"That's a paper bomb that's about to go off!" Amaya shouted. The group quickly jumped back away from the tree as the paper bomb exploded, causing the tree to fall over opposite from them. They stared at the fallen tree before Al turned to Amaya.

"Where are we?" Al asked worriedly.

Before Amaya could answer, there was a sudden laugh as three people suddenly jumped down from one of the trees in front of them. They were wearing yellow jumpsuits and strange devices over their mouths.

"Like I explained, this is the Forest of Death. Did you forget where you are, little genin?" the leader of the group seemed to ask.

A familiar tick mark appeared in Ed's forehead. "I AM NOT A LITTLE-wait, what did he call me?" Ed asked, turning to Amaya.

"I'll explain later." she whispered to him before turning back to the ninja in front of them. "Sorry guys, we'll just be going now..."

They started to take a few steps away, but then the ninja moved forward. "I don't think so. Hand over your scroll!" the leader demanded.

"What do we do, Brother? Amaya?" Al asked.

Ed narrowed his eyes, clapping his hands together as he transmuted his automail arm. He held the blade up; the ninjas started to look noticeably worried.

"We fight back, that's what!" Ed said, familiar glint of determination in his eye. He had been itching for a fight for some time, maybe he would finally get one.

* * *

_"So how is their mission going?"_

_"At the moment, it seems to be going smoothly...but..."_

_"But what?"_

_"It seems that they went to that particular fandom. You know the one."_

_"...This may be a problem."_

* * *

And so, through a series of events so elaborate that it would take too long to go into detail right now, the trio succeeded in defeating the rain ninjas. They even stole their headbands and their Heaven scroll. Ed stared at the headband that he had wrapped around his arm. (Apparently it had been too big for his forehead)

"So why did we take their headbands?" he asked Amaya.

"So that if we run into anybody in here, they'll think that we're ninjas that are part of their exams."

"Exams?" Al asked.

"Yeah. We sort of accidentally showed up in the middle of their chunnin exams. Which is a very bad thing."

"Can you explain to me the whole genin and chuunin exam thing now?" Ed looked annoyed.

"Ranks of ninjas. Genin are the lowest ranking and chuunin is the ranking above that." Amaya explained.

"Oh, for a second I thought that guy was insulting me."

"Actually, he kind of was." Amaya pointed out. Ed looked infuriated.

"Why that bas-" he started to steam, but Amaya shushed him.

"We can't draw attention to ourselves. We're not supposed to be here and we could get killed if they find out that we're not ninjas that are taking this exam."

"So what do we do?" Al asked worriedly.

"I'd try to take us back home, but it takes a few hours for the fandom gates to be charged enough to open again. So for now, we're stuck here." Amaya said sadly. "Our best option is to find the main characters of this fandom and hope to God that they'll help us."

"And they would be...?" Ed asked, but soon enough, the question was not needed as said main characters suddenly walked into their path.

"I'm just saying, I knew what I was doing when I was beating up that one guy." a boy in an orange jumpsuit with blond hair said to one of his two companions, another boy with short black hair wearing a blue high-collared shirt. "After all, respect can only be earned by beating the shit out of someone."For some reason, Ed noticed that Amaya seemed to have crossed her fingers and was muttering, "Please don't let it be American Naruto, please don't let it-"

"Where the hell did you learn that kind of logic?" said his remaining companion, a girl with long pink hair.

"I'm just smart like that, believe it!"

"Damn!" Amaya loudly cursed, causing stares from Ed and Al.

The boy in blue suddenly tensed at noticing Ed, Al, and Amaya. He pulled out a kunai.

"State your business here." he said, trying to sound somewhat threatening. The boy in orange and the girl with pink hair also did the same by pulling out kunais as well.

"We're just standing here!" Ed pointed out.

"Oh well, that's ok then." the boy in orange said, putting his kunai away.

"Naruto!" the girl with pink hair reprimanded.

"What? They look like decent people! They're not trying to attack us or demand our Earth scroll or anything like that."

"Good job for telling them which scroll we have, idiot." the boy in blue muttered under his breath.

"S-shut up Sasuke!" Naruto shouted at Sasuke.

"Look..." Amaya said, reminding the three of them that they were still there. "We don't care about your scroll. Hell, you can have the one we got." she said as she took out the Heaven scroll and tossed it to them. Naruto caught it, examining it carefully.

"Why are you just giving us your scroll?" Sakura asked.

"Does it matter? Now we can just go to the tower!" Naruto said, not really caring about why they were getting the scroll.

"Hold on. This could be a trap. They might just attack us the minute we turn our backs on them." Sasuke pointed out.

Naruto for some reason was staring at him. Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You're always worrying about us. I think I just realized this five seconds ago...I love you!"

Everyone in the immediate vicinity sweat-dropped.

* * *

"So you're saying that you somehow accidentally got lost and wound up in the Forest of Death?" Sakura asked.

"Yes, that's exactly what I said." Ed rolled his eyes at her. "Anyway, will you help us out until we get to the tower?"

"We probably should since you're giving that scroll you took to us." Naruto pointed out. "What do you think Sasuke?" he asked, turning to Sasuke. Sasuke quickly hid the kunai he had in his hand.

"What's that? I was too busy cutting myself over the loss of my family and all that. Did you know I hate my brother?" he seemed to come up with as an excuse for his obvious distrust.

More sweat-dropping. "...Right. Of course." Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Thanks for the help." Al thanked the trio of ninjas as they began making their way toward the tower. Sakura suddenly glared when she noticed that Amaya was walking on Sasuke's other side.

"Hey, girl, move away from Sasuke-kun!" Sakura seemed to snarl as she moved in between them. Amaya raised an eyebrow before sighing.

"Look, it might be hard to tell by my height and chest size, but I'm seventeen. And he's twelve. I'm practically taller than him by almost a foot. I have no interest in your 'Sasuke-kun', so next time I ever hear you say that again, I'm throwing you into the nearest tree, got it?" Amaya threatened, shaking a fist at her. Sakura nodded quickly, ducking behind Naruto and Sasuke. Ed thought he heard Naruto mutter something like "Somebody finally tells her..." under his breath. Apparently, Sakura got edgy when _any _girl was within a foot of Sasuke...even some of the older adults, apparently so.

_No really, why do girls five years older than Sasuke "love" him? Geez..._

"Yeah, we're almost to the tower, believe it!" Naruto seemed to cheer. He stopped walking when he noticed that Amaya and Ed had stopped walking.

"That's the dumbest catchphrase I have ever heard." Ed pointed out.

"Naruto, don't ever say it again. Ever. If you do, I'll grab Sakura by the ankles and use her like a baseball bat and knock _you _into the nearest tree." Amaya threatened. Naruto frowned at her before crossing his arms, muttering something under his breath about bitchy girls.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

Quite suddenly, there was creepy laughter in the air. Ed, Al, and Amaya tensed as Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke moved in front of them, kunai's out.

"Whose there?" Sasuke called out.

The laughter ceased as a figure appeared in front of them. It was a man with pale skin and was grinning as a freaky long tongue was visible.

"Holy shit, it's Orochimaru." Amaya said, slapping a hand to her face. "Although I guess his disguise seemed to have fallen off."

"It did?" Orochimaru asked as he put a hand to his face. "Aw damn, those latex masks never stay on." he muttered.

"So who is this guy?" Ed asked.

"Evil guy. Very scary. It's scary like as if you're walking down a dark alley and you see that at the other end and you know you better run like hell because it's going to rip your fucking face off, and you don't fuck with that kind of scary." Amaya explained.

"Question?" Naruto asked, raising his hand.

"Yes?"

"Why would I be walking down a dark alley in the first place?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

"But you're the one who stated the hypothetical story."

"Splitting hairs are we?"

"I don't think we have time to discuss this because he just summoned a giant snake while you two were bickering." Ed interrupted them, pointing toward Orochimaru. He was right, as he had summoned a giant snake behind him.

"Attack!" Orochimaru ordered the snake. It suddenly lurched upwards and headed toward the group. They screamed, jumping out of the way as it smashed itself through the trees just as Orochimaru rushed forward with a kunai, attempting to attack Sasuke with it.

"It's the hair that makes people attack me, isn't it?" he seemed to moan, motioning to his trademark duckbutt hair.

"Pretty much." Both Amaya, Naruto, and Orochimaru said at the same time.

Naruto turned toward the snake. "I'll take care of this thing, you take care of the creepy guy, got it?"

Without another word, Naruto disappeared after the snake.

"He must figure that the five of us will be able to take out Orochimaru. Dumbass." Amaya couldn't help but mutter under her breath.

Ed turned to Al. "Al, you and Amaya stay here. Sakura, I'm not going to say the same thing because I really don't know you that well enough to be concerned for your safety, but I would suggest the same thing." he said as he clapped his hands together and placed one of them on the ground. A rather large kunai emerged from the ground and Ed took it in his hand.

"Wow, how did you do that? Is that some sort of ninjutsu?" Sakura asked.

"...Sure. Whatever that is." Ed said with a roll of his eyes before running toward Orochimaru.

With the combined efforts of Sasuke and Ed, they managed to put Orochimaru on the defensive, despite the fact that the authoress apparently can't write a good fight scene.

Ed tried to stab at Orochimaru with the kunai, but Orochimaru's tongue suddenly wrapped itself around the blade and yanked it out of his hands, tossing it as far away from him as possible. Ed growled, jumping back as he clapped his hands again and placed them on the ground. A large jagged rock suddenly jutted itself upward from the ground in an effort to impale him. Orochimaru's eyes widened as he was forced to jump back into the trees to avoid him.

"I'll admit, that's impressive work. But still not good enough."

"Then maybe this will." Sasuke said as he activated his familiar Sharingan. Ed couldn't help but stare.

"What's wrong with you, did you pop a blood vessel in your eyes? Or is it pink eye?"

"No Ed, it's not pinkeye, you idiot!" he could hear Amaya shout from their little group of spectators.

"Hey guys, I'm back! And I'm all angry and stuff!" Naruto suddenly appeared next to Sasuke, swirling with red chakra.

"About freaking time!" Ed couldn't help but shout at him.

"Well excuse me for not showing up until the last minute. I was taking care of a giant snake by myself, after all."

"You're the one that wanted to take care of it by yourself!" Ed pointed out.

"Uh guys, Orochimaru's right behind you." Al pointed out from the spectator group, before glaring at Amaya, who was eating from a bowl of popcorn that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.

And sure enough, so he was as he used the five prong seal on Naruto's stomach before tossing him over to the spectator group. Naruto collided into Amaya, causing her to fall over and spill most of her popcorn onto the ground.

"Well that was quick and unexciting." Ed rolled his eyes, ignoring Amaya's cursing in the background.

"And now for the two of you." Orochimaru said as he suddenly bared his fangs and his head stretched from his neck and was heading toward Sasuke. Ed growled as he started running at him, clapping his hands together and pulling out the blade of his automail arm. "You're not going any further, bastard snake!"

Somehow he managed to move fast enough as he thrust the blade outward at Orochimaru.

There was suddenly a sickening "crunch" sound in the air as blood splattered on the ground. Ed's automail blade had gone straight through the top part of Orochimaru's torso and out through his left shoulder.

"Good work Brother, you did it!" Al cheered, but Amaya suddenly put a hand on his arm.

"What's the matter?" Al asked.

Amaya simply pointed with a shaking finger. "Look again."

Al looked and saw what was making her act weird.

The blade had gone through just as Orochimaru's fangs had punctured Sasuke's neck, leaving behind the familiar curse mark. However, the impact of the attack had caused his neck to snap back, when his head came back to its body, it's fangs struck out at Ed in retaliation, _also _puncturing Ed's neck.

Both Sasuke and Ed collapsed to the ground as Orochimaru laughed. "Well, I wasn't expecting that. Then again, this is sort of good for me." he laughed before jumping away into the trees and disappearing. Sakura ran over to Sasuke as Al and Amaya went over to Ed.

"Brother?" Al asked carefully.

Ed was unconscious already as Amaya pulled his jacket back and examined his neck. "Oh shit..."

"What?"

Amaya moved so that Al could see the black mark that appeared on Ed's neck.

"He's got one too."

* * *

Amaya: And we're outta here!

Al: Wait, what?

Amaya: We're going on hiatus for a little while. The authoress is having a creative block with this fic right now.

Al: What about Ed?

Ed: Uggh...

Al: How can we go on hiatus when he's in pain and with that kind of cliffhanger?

Amaya: Because I say so.

Al: ...You're some kind of evil, you know that?


End file.
